Valentines Aftermath

At the end of every Valentines Day, there's that long moment during the night where stories between friends are shared. And every year, there's a distinct variety of stories to share.

1. The Crazy Valentine

Let's face it, you did something incredibly crazy today and quickly had to tell your friend about it. We get it. You either discovered a new side of yourself, learned you could do something you never thought possible, or just had the most bizarre night of your life. The Crazy Valentine represents all those outrageous stories that we can either laugh about or have nightmares from while we suck our thumb in the fetal position. And which ever way you look at it, it was one crazy ride you won't soon forget.

2. The "Nothing Happened" Valentine

You probably had big plans for tonight, only to have them backfire. Your romantic night ended badly because your date yelled another person's name, or perhaps you say something so bad that they never want to see you again. Perhaps you realized your dinner gave your date food poisoning and ended up in the hospital instead. Either that, or you simply did something to make your date laugh at you. No matter what, you try to dodge the story when others ask because you know they will laugh at you forever.

Either that, or nothing really happened and it was just an overall pleasant evening.

3. The Lone Valentine

Stay at home watching TV and eat all the Valentines candy you gathered from the day. You are probably the one hearing the stories about the previous categories, and probably laughing at them either way. You realize how messed up everyone else is and you wonder why you sometimes put up with your crazy friends. You were alone because you either didn't have a date or were protesting the day because you denied you were alone. No matter how you put it, you saved yourself a lot of cash by just taking it easy and not going out. And whether you feel good, lonely, or just sleepy, you don't complain at the end of the day.

4. The "Picture Perfect" Valentine

A night so perfect, it seems like you ripped it straight out of a romantic movie. Yet, you get all the rewards. You have such a great night with your date, that others are simply amazed at how perfect it was. No mistakes, no bad consequences, nothing out of the ordinary. Your dinner was great, your gifts were perfect, and you even had a moment so romantic that it would make anybody vomit. Everything is all romantic and just missing a corporate sponsor to turn it into a jewelry commercial. However, if you're not careful and overdo it, it might just lead to either option 1 or 2. So beware. Other than that, it's picture perfect.

So no matter which of these four categories you see yourself in, there's always a story to tell right after Valentines Day. And don't try to deny it, because there's always a story to tell.

She's Real...I Swear!

2011 was probably the most eventful year for me. A lot of stuff was happening all at once. And among one of those things, included dating. During my final college semester, I finally went public about my relationship with Linda, my last girlfriend. However, there was always one issue...

People didn't believe she was real at times.

Since we didn't spent much time together at the university, people have often wondered if the relationship was a mere myth or if it was reality. Of course, I can see why they wondered. All they had to rely on was my Facebook picture, and nothing more. So I can kind of understand their skepticism.

But every time someone saw us together for the first time, it's as if they just saw the pink elephants from Dumbo. She was indeed real. Heck, some people even went out of their way to approach us and ask me if that was indeed her. And as usual, we would just laugh and confirm she's real.

So it was a bit strange having that relationship measured as a similar myth to Bigfoot or the Lock Ness Monster. All they heard were tales of her very existence and pictures, but could never confront her for real. And when they did see her in person, they were baffled. And sometimes I wonder why some people I surround myself with are so dysfunctional.

Oh well. But alas, now it's just a memory. Another story about relationships passed. All in the spirit of valentines week, I suppose.

How Did This Happen?

When it comes to relationships, many of us spend weeks plotting that essential method of how to begin a relationship. We analyze that special someone, get to know them really well, and integrate them in our lives. So by the time we decide if we want a relationship, we try and figure out the perfect strategy to make that essential question.

But for me, it seems that I don't get a saying in when I get to ask. Well, at least one time it happened. Back in 2010, I was deprived of asking that essential question for a relationship, but instead got a notice.

Ace and I were playing pool near the university, so I asked Amy and her friend to join us. By then, Amy and I would have been going out for about a few weeks, but nothing official. We would each go with our wing-person on double dates and somehow end up with them leaving us alone (very clever of them). So by then, something was brewing. It's like when you discovered how Mentos and Coke mixed. You couldn't wait to get to the fun part, but you still had that build up.

During the pool game, there was back and forth jokes launched between us guys and gals. But at one point, Ace and I realized it was getting late (an excuse to go eat some food) and that we were going to head out. Amy and her friend stayed behind for a few more games, as we departed in search of food.

Half way home, I get a call from Amy. She wanted me to come back to bar/restaurant from earlier because she and her friend felt intimidated by some men at the other side of the bar. Ace and I didn't have to think it twice. A phone call that lets us be knights in shining armor? Where do I sign? And after the craziest U-turn ever, we were on our way back.

We didn't even know if we could turn there, but we did!

Back at the bar, we slowly marched in (with the sound of heroic trumpets in our minds) and found our way to the pool table from earlier. Amy greeted me with the biggest hug possible, so I knew I did something good. And with that, it was back to another game of pool. And then the silence broke...

Amy's Friend: "So where did you guys go eat?"
Ace: "We never got there, but we were going to meet some people there."
Amy's Friend: "You were both probably just going off to find some ladies."

Ace and I looked at each other and tried not to laugh. We didn't want them to know we were going to geek out, especially if we were getting credit for something we weren't doing.

Amy's Friend: (points at me) "You probably just went with him to see your girlfriend, didn't y...."
Amy: (with a loud scream) "No way!"

For a slight moment, there was fear in the air after she spoke.

And right there, I knew that sh*t just hit the fan. But I didn't know yet.

Amy: "He's not going to see any girlfriend, because I'm his girlfriend!"
Me: (trying to talk from the surprise) "Wait...what? When did this happen?"
Amy: "Well, you are."
Me: "Since when? I didn't get any memo."
Amy: "I don't know. But you are."

And from that moment onward, the relationship began. And all from a slip of the tongue. Even though six months later it would come crashing down, but that's how it started. It was one of those moments where you look back and just can't help but laugh at how it happened. To this day, it's still the funniest way a relationship has ever begun.

Chain Reaction

In the spirit of Valentines, I'm starting a week (or so) of stories related to relationships (both in dating and in friendship). First off, I'm going to start with a strange story that took years to build, but it led me to believe there was a chain reaction going on.

I will explain...

Ace and I were always each other's wingman, so we knew what was going on when it came to dating. However, in the spring of 2010, Ace came to me and realized that something strange was happening with us. We were starting to develop a pattern. Every time one of our relationships ended, the other one would start one. Without fail. How did this come about? It all goes back to 2009.

I started wondering if something odd was happening.

During the fall of 2009, Ace was in a strange relationship with an exotic dancer (no kidding) and I was their third wheel from time to time (on normal dates, nothing strange). All went normally, until the start of 2010 when I met Amy (again, another story there). Suddenly, when my relationship with Amy was set in stone and we became official, Ace showed up at my house with a bag of chips. Why chips? Whenever Ace brought a bag of chips over to my house, it means he got dumped. First time it happened to him, he stayed at home so much that I just joked to him "next time you get dumped, at least bring some snacks if we are going to be all night moping."

Little did I know that he actually took it to heart. And it's still a tradition to this day. But back to the story.

So my relationship was starting, and his was suddenly ending. All in the same week. Flash forward to the end of 2010, Ace went up to me to tell me he might be starting a new relationship. I worried a bit, since my own relationship was in a downward spiral, but I still joked. "You getting in a new relationship? Does that mean mine is going to end because you got a girl?"

I got dumped 24 hours later.

And thus, a chain reaction was discovered. Whenever one of us would begin a relationship, it meant the other's was going to end. And it happened yet again last year. During the time Ace came home during the spring of 2011, I was starting a relationship with Linda. We still can't explain the crazy coincidence.

But I guess the chain is broken now. During my first official date with Linda, Ace and his new girl were already set, so in a way, it broke the chain. For once, both of us had relationships at the same time, so the four of us got to see each other often. However, on Halloween, Linda and I broke up and it was back to restoring the balance of the universe. Ace was still in a relationship and I wasn't.

And now that I moved away, I wonder if the chain reaction will continue or if it will stay the same. I wonder what will happen to Ace whenever I do meet someone new. But for now, the universe is back to normal.

The 3 Character Phases

Last night I was having a conversation with my best friend JC regarding how we change in life, but we did it with analogies from How I Met Your Mother. And then we realized that in life, we go through our phases which are represented by various characters. Well, at least in our dating life.

We obviously start with the first phase, Barney.

We start looking for a quick "hookup" and are always just chasing something superficial. We try to live it on the wild side and think we can conquer everyone. But all the while, we eventually realize what it is we really want. And thus, it leads to the second phase...

Ted

We become a hopeless romantic, often wondering when fate is going to intervine and present our other half. We start thinking about destiny and somehow become dreamers. We begin to see things differently than before, slowing down our pace and focusing more on a long-term deal. All this, so we can reach the final phase.

Marshall

That's right, the big goof himself. By now, we found our ideal person and feel more complete. Both of you become like a two-headed being, inseparable. Your friends look at what you have and realize they want something similar, but you don't miss the previous phases. By now, you're such a goof, that your other half wouldn't imagine you another way.

Overall, these are the kind of silly philosophical things my buddy and I come up with at the late hours of the night. It's always good to have a friend who can follow your strange way of thinking, no matter how far they might be.

Resolutions: Amy's Story

I got one more resolution story left, especially since I mentioned this month was going to be dedicated to it. Any who, this resolution is the most complicated, since it has a great backstory. Now then...where to start...oh yes, the task I had to fix.

What I had to fix was my relationship with Amy, one of my exes. Thing is, there were some bad rumors spreading and I knew she suspected me of foul play. So I had to set the record straight. But before that, the backstory...

Amy and I first met back in the spring of 2011 in a production class. We were paired up together for an assignment (I was kinda hoping it), but my first impression was a bit odd, especially since I thought she was a bossy bitch. However, spending some time together, we developed some chemistry and were then set up to go on a date disguised as an assignment.

Needless to say, sparks flew.

And then one day, the unimaginable happened. She had a slip of the tongue in a group conversation and said the following, "he isn't going out with any date, because I'm his girlfriend."

She said what?

Even though my reaction was somehow similar to this surprised cat, I was speechless upon what I had heard. So after that, we started dating. However, it was my first real relationship, so it was a bit rocky at times. But despite that, we found ways to make it work.

However, the relationship ended (how it ended is perhaps a story for another day) and I was just shattered. We kept fighting like trolls on a message board, and it resulted in us just splitting even more. However, the next semester came and there were horrible rumors...

I knew I had to confront her, especially since it wasn't my doing. I had nothing to gain. And we had a good talk, kinda renewing a friendship. Felt pretty good, to be honest. And somehow, we once again became closer (not too close, since I was dating someone else). And now, we are very good friends.

Moral of the story, don't let bad rumors ruin relationships, no matter how shattered they may be. Besides, words are powerful things.

The Start of a New Journey

Ever felt like you're someone's afterthought? Like all of a sudden, you cease to exist and you weren't given the memo? You feel like you're the fart nobody wants to claim during a long trip?

Well, that's kind of the story with my recent break-up. After already going through a post break-up transition last week, I thought I was getting better. That is, until I see my ex, Linda, this week. Problem was, I reached out to her, but she didn't reach much back.

And that's when it started to get to me. Did I fall into a universe where she doesn't know who I am or something? If so, please send me the memo, because it's a bit late. Now I know what it felt to be the lone roman, looking into his beloved's eyes and seeing a blank stare of indifference. That, or the face of looking at a loved one you truly know, but having them look at you as if they never even met you.

Perhaps she's happy now that I'm gone. I try not to think of these things much, mostly because it sorta cramps my style. But overall, it makes this post break-up process last a whole lot more.

I know it's a bit off posting something so serious in a blog that's normally of a humorous tone, but it's times like these where a good friend tells me "just write, damnit!" and it makes me wonder. Sometimes we gotta just have a change of pace, even if it is for a bit.

I swear, if trying to reach out to your ex, even if it's just a short conversation, seems like an uphill battle then something's wrong. After sharing some really good memories together, one would think she could spare a few minutes to answer a text message or just talk for a few minutes. Nobody can just get thrown out like that and then forgotten.

I still can't see the number in here.

It's like a colorblind test for the colorblind, you have it right in your face but you don't quite see what's going on. However, sometimes you would rather now know the truth, even if it's eating away at your curiosity. My situation with my ex is just like that test. I see a whole bunch of dots I can't really analyze because I'm colorblind, but it eats away at me. Now I know what Cookie Monster felt like. Irresistible cookies in plain sight, gotta be a sucker not to eat those things.

All in all, it's these mysteries of life that sometimes makes our time of healing a lot longer than it should. There's no word to describe the feeling of how it feels when your ex gives you the cold shoulder and leaves you behind on such a short notice. One week, you are both happily in love. The next, you're just an afterthought.

Now I begin to start to feel sympathy for one of the characters in Doctor Who, since I understand her pain to lose a loved one with every visit. Makes me wonder, yet again, if I could have done something about it in the past to make things better.

Where to next?

But that's the irony of life. We don't quite see where we are going until we get there. And once our long journey has ended, we can't help but sit back and reflect on what just happened. It's kinda like a TBS rerun of an old comedy series, but only relevant.

All I can do now is just open the door in front of me and begin my new journey, no matter where it takes me.

The Friend Zone

If there's anything that seems more deadly than being locked in a cage with fire-breathing bears, it's being sent to the friend zone. We have all heard of it, while some of us have been sent there. Ever been just having casual conversation with a girl and suddenly you feel like a bus hit your soul? That's the friend zone acting up. Seriously, it's starting to turn into a super power of sorts.

And once you're there, you're stuck for life. There's barely anything you can do to get out. But here's a few things you can do:

1. Get comfy: The friend zone mostly lasts an entire lifetime. Once you are there, there's no way out. Get a sofa, put up a TV, maybe get a good computer and play Warcraft. It's like taking a one-way train ticket to nowhere.

2. Resistance is Futile: Do not try to persuade her into changing her mind, because it's been made up probably since your second conversation. I don't know what it is about the ladies, but they can even zone you just by looking at you. It's like walking into a bear trap, quick to strike and takes you by surprise...that is, unless you poke it with a stick and get caught out of sheer stupidity. So if someone zones you, accept your fate and move on. Besides, it's good to keep your dignity intact.

3. The Grass is Greener: Once in the friend zone, you will realize there are other prospects out there just waiting to zone your sorry ass at a later time. But once you get yourself back in the game, you will see the friend zone as a bench. Because after playing a good game, you get replaced at halftime because you just couldn't impress the coach.

4. Don't Go Insane: Simply put, just don't.

5. The Boomerang: A combination of numers 1 and 3, you will keep coming back into the friend zone so much, you might as well build a fort there.

Take it from a friend zone expert, these tips will keep you from going insane once you are zoned by someone. And that's knowing something, since I have been zoned dozens of times, that I can already see it coming.

A little knowledge goes a long way...especially if it will help you survive a horrible fate such as this.

The Reverse Magnetism Theory

You know how we try to attract as much as we can when we want to be with someone? The way we try to focus on those qualities that make that person so special, the way we try to do everything we can to make them ours, the way to try our hardest to have as much magnetism as we can.

But there's also a reverse method for this. How so? It only applies to people who don't want to search for a relationship.

I call it, "Reverse Magnetism Theory" (sorry if it's already used in science, but I checked with google and nothing came up in terms of name, so I'm good) and it's an effective way to stay single.

This happened to my wingman currently. He wanted to find a way to keep his mind off trying to get a relationship, so it was my turn to share some of my wisdom with him...and now I share it here.

Reverse Magnetism is all the opposite you do when seeking a relationship. You get to meet the person, but once you establish in your mind that you don't want a relationship with this person, find a quality that person has that you simply can't stand. And focus on it, focus with all your might. It's not a way to reject a person, because that's not what it's about. Just find something about that person that will make you realize it won't be a good relationship with that around. And once that sinks into your brain, you will no longer want something with that person. That way, you can continue about your business without having to worry about any emotions coming up because every time they might, that negative characteristic pops up and reminds you of why you don't want to date that person.

So next time you see that person nag, whine, show insanity, annoy you more than nails on a chalkboard, or just find a way to repel you faster than a nerd at a beauty pageant, keep in mind that it will keep you at ease.

Works every time!

Side Effects

TodayI want to discuss 2 of the effects that happen when one becomes single. First, there's one thing people should know. When one gets off a relationship, they quickly get randomly selected by the universe to have one of these 2 side effects. They either get the "Bug-Zapper Effect" or the "Scarecrow Effect."

The Bug Zapper Effect makes you as attractive to the opposite sex as super bright lights are to flying insects, or as crappy vampire movies are attractive to emo kids and women. Without even trying, you attract people left and right without knowing why. However, none of these are successful as once they get too close, they get quickly zapped. I originally wanted to compare this effect to a bunch of flies surrounding horse crap, but it just wouldn't seem as proper to call it the "Horse Poop Effect" now wouldn't it?

And then there's the other one...the Scarecrow Effect. Upon becoming single, you share the very qualities of a scarecrow (except being made of hay and straw, that's just not cool) and somehow chase away all crows (members of the opposite sex in this case, but thankfully they don't crap on your wardrobe when they sit on your shoulders). You suddenly find yourself repelling them without knowing why. No matter the wardrobe you choose either, or the attitude you take. Once the universe has labeled you a scarecrow, you got very few that stay by your side. And if you're lucky to land a crow on you, then congrats...but by then you would be moved to a new farm since the old one was replaced for a convenience store.

So what's the moral of the story? Both side effects will mess with you, no matter who you are! And either way, we are all screwed. But once you identify which effect has chosen you, the better it is to work around it.

The First Last Date

I was halfway done with my freshman year at college. It was a time of transition for all of us. For most of us, we dealt with the separation of close friends, we dealt with being away from home, we had to adapt with a whole new lifestyle. Most people meet new people and often try new things like dating, or excessive drinking. College is indeed a whole new world filled with wonders, surprises, strange professors, and that occasional student who comes to class stoned.

I had received an invitation from my longtime friend, Ronaldo, to a birthday party, and I never could refuse. But this time, however, was a little different. “There’s someone I want you to meet,” he said. I wondered if he was really going to fix me up on a blind date, or if the phone signal was bad (isn’t it always?). “It’s going to be great! Just make it about an hour early. Trust me, you won’t…” and then the signal really did die.

The night of the party was quite nerve wrecking at first. Car after car of guests all coming out, not knowing when she was going to appear, I quickly turned around to see him on the phone giving me a thumbs up. I guess it was time to meet my mystery date. This had to be payback for a prank; at least I thought it was. But as soon as her car came up, I began to feel the anxiety going through me like sugar through little kids. I can tell this was her, because Ron was waving with such enthusiasm. It was the moment of truth. I was about to meet the person whom I would have my first date with.

The door slowly opened. I started to sweat, not because it was 80 degrees outside, but from anticipation. And then I saw his face. Wait a minute…what? Did I just say his face? That’s right. I looked back at Ron who was still waving, even though his guest was right in front of him. I looked back at my friend as if I wanted to hit him, but it was all a false alarm, as my real blind date was behind the car that just pulled up.

There she was. My friend nodded, letting me know she is indeed real. I was in such relief. “I’m Karen,” she said as she stretched out her hand. “Ron has told me so much about you!”

“Francisco…I mean, Frankie,” I said with a slight stutter, “nice to m-meet you.” I looked back at Ron with the biggest smile I could ever have.

The rest of the night, we spent all our time getting to know each other. She had a great sense of humor, considering how she enjoyed my lame jokes. The rest of the night we just spent as much time as possible, even if it meant losing to her in Mortal Kombat (remember that game?) because of my lack of focus. It was indeed a great night.

We began dating shortly after that and all was right with the world.

I went way too off subject didn’t I? This is supposed to be “The first last date.” Obviously, I’m going to keep the title to a literal level, so why not skip to the last date? No? Well, nothing really happened between then and the last date. Trust me; it will save you some time. However, we did get to hold hands on the fourth date. Now do understand what I mean? Good. So let’s move on to the penultimate date then.

For weeks my friends have been showing distrust towards Karen, especially my best friend, Andres. He always has these gut feelings about people. And let me tell you, they have been right somehow. I learned something in all this, and that is to always trust your best friend’s stomach, guts, or simply his whole digestive system.

I had planned to reunite all my friends together so they could meet her at last (also to put everyone else’s digestive system at rest). I had given her a call to ask when she was coming over. Her car was in the shop (don’t even ask) and she had no way of traveling over to where we were.

“Well, it looks like she won’t be able to come after all,” I told my friends.

Lucky for me (or unlucky), my friend Tito was sitting around getting ideas. “How about I take you over there? You only said it was five minutes away, right?” he asked as he was already headed towards his car. How could I have said no anyways?

After a few misguided directions, we have located Karen’s house. Let me just say that saying it was big would be an understatement. This was a mansion I just entered. Karen invited me in. You are all probably wondering what happened once I entered her house for a mini tour. I bet you would assume we had our way inside that house, right? That’s right! I just caught you assuming we did something dirty in there. The truth is, I was too damn shocked by the size of the house to even notice we were alone.

The biggest thing that caught my attention was the bathroom (gotcha thinking again). It was huge! To give some kind of mental picture, the bathroom was probably as big as my bedroom. I just thought it was a room with a toilet. That would have been good for anyone. I barely remember the rest of the house, but I can tell it was the biggest house I have ever seen.

Having finished the “grand tour,” we saw Tito outside minding his own business as he waited for us. He gave me a gesture to ask if we did anything in there. To this day, I don’t remember what the hell I replied. And so, we got in the car and headed back to Andres’s house, where a few friends waited to meet my famous first “girlfriend.”

They indeed had a blast meeting her, considering me how she emasculated me in my favorite games. Yet, I could tell some of my friends still didn’t accept her completely. That distrust was going to come into play a week later, during the Christmas season. I was about to enter the very last date, and also the event which launched Andres into a rage of explosive laughter.

It was precisely a week before Christmas. I had bought Karen a teddy bear with a card, in which I took the liberty of displaying my deep poetic soul into. We had gone to the mall, like always, and we were enjoying the casual dinner. But I would soon learn that things were starting to turn for the worst.

I had reached over to hold hands, when I noticed she quickly withdrew it. “What’s wrong? We always hold hands (it took four dates to do it too, so you better hold hands). Why don’t you want to now?” I asked.

She simply replied coldly. “I went to the doctor today to check something in my hands (I will be quick to point out that she did have some kind of condition that gave her some kind of pain in her hands sometimes, but sometimes) and my hands really hurt today.”

I quickly tried to put my shoulder around her, but she scrubbed it off by saying she just wasn’t feeling good. Yes, I was going downhill from this point. And after countless hours of shopping, I still tried to help her with her bags.

“Come on,” I said, “let me help you with your bags. You don’t want your hands to keep hurting.”

She looked at me as if I was lost or something. “I’m fine.”

“So your hands hurt when we hold, but they don’t hurt when you hold a bag with a heavy dance pad?” I said as I tried to keep my cool.

“They don’t hurt now.”

Great, not only was I getting the feeling that she was lying to me, but I had the feeling this date wasn’t going anywhere. So I did what any panicking person would do on a date. I called my best friend.

“I need to get out of here,” I said softly.

“What happened?” asked Andres.

“She won’t let me carry her bags, even though her hands supposedly hurt. And if she can lift them up, she shouldn’t complain when I try to hold hands.”

There was deep silence. “I’m on my way then,” he said.

I was starting to feel it was time to step up to the plate to see if this relationship is indeed going somewhere. I was ready to either hit a home run, or strike out big time. Unfortunately for me, I just witnessed strike one. And everyone knows that if strike one is done, strike two will hit even harder.

I was going all out this time. I had her teddy bear and card ready to give. Surely my present will at least earn me a kiss (or maybe a handshake, in her case). I was going to take my chance in the backseat of my best friend’s car (not like that, you sick depraved minds) and hope for the best.

It was finally time to step up once again. We were on our way to her house. Andres noticed I was going to go for it. I could tell he knew, for he was constantly looking in the rear view mirror. Who could blame him? He wanted to see something so rare as to see me get lucky. His anticipation was close to mine, but he wasn’t screaming on the inside.

I quickly gave her the teddy bear and the card for her to read. As she read it, I could tell she was struck with awe. It was now or never, I wanted to tell her how I felt. And then, the three words slipped out of my mouth. Chances are I didn’t say “hot juicy burger,” so of course; I let out the three words I have never told a girl before. “I love you,” I said as everyone in the car fell silent. And then the sound of laughter echoed.

She was laughing. I may have been new to that whole dating experience, but I don’t think your special someone is supposed to laugh when you tell them you love them. Was there something I didn’t know? Did I accidentally stuff the bear with laughing gas? Did I tickle her with my mind? What the hell caused that laughter? To this day, I still don’t know why Karen laughed when I told her I loved her. I was opening my heart to her, and she was laughing like it was comedy hour.

We arrived at her house, just in time. I was still waiting for my response to the “I love you” that exploded from me a while ago. Nothing. She simply grabbed her gifts and ran out the door. Andres looked at me with a worried look, but I could tell he was about to erupt in laughter. Who could blame him, the whole thing seems pretty ironic. Anyone who would laugh at such ironic twists truly has a sense of humor. She was gone. Out the door she flew with her teddy in hand. I was screwed. There’s really no other way to put it bluntly, other than saying “damn, I f*cked up.”

I froze. This was the biggest slap to the face since getting pummeled by an army of pre-scholars with kites in high school (don’t dare even ask). And now it was just a matter of time until strike two came near. And yet, the second I was ready to give up, I saw her running towards me once again. At long last, she was going to say “me too” or maybe an “I love you too.” Although, knowing her, I would have been happy with a “k’ thanks!”

She opened the door with a big smile. She looked me dead in the eyes like never before. This was it; I was going to know she also loved me back. “I left my card. Could you pass it to me?” she said.

What the hell did she just say? Did I just hear what I thought I heard?

Strike two.

I was starting to get fed up. She flew out the door without even saying a simple goodbye or anything. Lesson number two: rich girls don’t know how to love back.

Andres started to laugh like I never had seen him laugh before. And who could blame him? It didn’t happen to him. “Let’s just get the heck out of here,” I said softly in my disappointment. “Today was the worst. She wouldn’t even want to hold hands. Her whole body was supposedly hurting, and yet she had the magical strength to lift some heavy crap all over the mall.”

He drove off quickly as the image of Karen’s house vanished slowly. That was the last time I ever saw the damn house.

Strike two was about to get worse (oh yes, it gets worse, but also good for a laugh). I got a call from Karen shortly afterward. “Yes!” I thought, “Someone who has never called me was about to call me out of her own free will.” I quickly looked around to check if she left any other items behind (as a precaution, and partly so that I could throw them out the window) and nothing was found. So I answered the phone, maybe she had something to say that would lift my spirits.

At this point in the story, do you honestly think its going to be good news?

“Why did you leave so soon?” she said

“Well,” I said, “you ran off so fast I thought you were just tired.”

“Well, my father wanted to meet you.”

“What?” I said in disbelief. “Why would he want to see me?”

“No reason,” she said.

I’m sure glad I had left when I should have. I worry what would have happened when a rich anesthesiologist (thank God for spell-check on that one) met her daughter’s simple boyfriend who didn’t have money? I’m glad I wasn’t there to find out.

At this point, I was just anxiously awaiting strike three. I was starting to see why my friends, and Andres’s digestive system, didn’t like Karen. Was it because they knew she was going to hurt me someday? Damn, I have got to start listening to my stomach for times other than food. Maybe it can tell me something.

Strike three was only a few short days after.

A large group of friends have assembled at his house once again and had asked me if they could meet my girlfriend. They had wanted to see the marvel all for themselves.

I called Karen up to see if she was available. (Side note: on a day prior to this meeting, I had called her up just to talk and she said she was simply busy, not giving an excuse. So you can guess where this is going). She answered after a few rings as I stepped up to bat for my final strike.

“Listen, I would like to see if you could make it today. A few friends would like to meet you, and they say they want to see you beat me at our game again,” I said.

“I can’t,” she said, “I have to study. My best friend is coming over to help me with my study. And once we’re done, we are going to play some video games.”

“So why don’t I join you when she comes over once you are done with your studies?”

“I can’t. My mother doesn’t allow people to enter the house while she’s not there.”

“And your best friend can?”

“Oh yes, my mom has already said that he (not a typo) can enter.”

The call went silent after that. So you can tell what happened after that. Yes. There was quite a lot of frustration afterwards. She spent time with her best friend alone doing who knows what, and she denied her boyfriend of being part of her life. Strike three. And this time, hurray for strike three. Get me out of the park and let me just try again next time.

We broke up shortly after. Long discussions and all; boring stuff.

I learned three important lessons from that time. First, you need to trust your best friend’s digestive system. It could tell you whether someone is good or not. Second, rich girls need to be hugged by their dads, or at least their butlers. And third, never ever flush your friend’s pot down the toilet as an attempt to get him to quit, he just might set you up on a blind date with a girl he dislikes.

Payback is a bitch.

Dating and Warcraft

Ever get the feeling that life is somehow like an MMORPG, but without the fun elements that make it MMORPG? Perhaps.

Ever get the feeling dating can also feel like one of those games as well? Exactly.

Dating and Warcraft have their similarities...

You start out a lone player wandering around looking for a party member as usual. But let's say you go find a random player of the opposite sex (then why am I using WOW as an example? It's all just a bunch of dudes)...correction, character of the opposite sex (which is mostly just a very lonely man anyways, but I digress) decides to join your party. Either person invites and then the other accepts.

All seems good, right? You do a couple of quests together, perhaps add each other to friend lists. It's just like exchanging phone numbers and e-mails (or by the random case just looking up the person on facebook without having them remember who you are), only it's less effort. Moving on. If all goes well, they become a permanent member of your party.

Dating is quite similar. After a few dates, if all goes well, you got yourself a permanent member in your real life party (not the one with ballons or liquor). Only difference, this one is accompanied by love and effection (if it isn't then take your receipt to the nearest Relationships-R-Us and demand a refund...or an exchange).

You go out on adventures a lot (whether it's bowling or raiding a village), you start to create countless memories with each other, and the bond gets stronger. But also while you're there, remember she's also taking half the loot (it's just how it works somehow) and your experience is reduced (you somehow become a bit more clueless).

But there comes a time when that other person suddenly breaks from the group, battles you and one becomes incapacitated. The losing one will be in another realm (perhaps the down time one has when feeling sad about it) and has to go find their bodies in order to return.

But once we are back on our feet, we have a serious de-buff on us (perhaps this is why newly single people feel like they have lost their mojo). How long it lasts, is unknown, but it's really annoying.