How Am I? Potato!

These last few days, something's been itching away at my curiosity at work. Anybody who has ever gone into a store knows that employees normally start with a friendly greeting and ask how one is doing as a way to just start a conversation. Now, the part that has gotten me to scratch my head is when the customer replies "fine, how are you?" and then turn around and ditch you!

You just can't win there!

Either you care about my day or not, but don't fool me into thinking you might start a conversation! If you don't want to talk to me, just say "I'm fine" and go about your business. But asking me how I'm doing, only to walk away is just plain annoying and rather rude.

But I also thought I would have a little fun with this. So today at work, I devised a little plan. Whenever I greet a customer and was asked how I was doing, I would simply answer their question with a single word.

That's right, I would just reply potato.

I had a list of things I could have said to a customer to check if they were listening:
-Banana
-I would have mumbled random stuff (worked too)
-Speak Spanish
-Bacon
-Honkey Tonk!

And from that whole list, potato seemed like the right fit. So then, I waited until the first customer came in so I could try it. Hours later, I had already counted nearly 17 potato replies to customers. And from all those, only one took the cake as the best one of the day.

Me: How are you doing today?
Customer: Fine, how are you?
Me: Potato
Customer: That's good.

I was so baffled, that I decreed the experiment a success. Barely any customers will listen to what the salesman will say, no matter what. I guess that's just part of retail.

Random Conversations #3: Redneck Phone Call

This little conversation was an odd one. It took place a few days ago at work when a customer called in to the store to check a few things. Instantly when I picked up and told my name, he didn't understand it. So of course, I had to give him a different version. But it wasn't until he spoke that I had a feeling where this was going...

Sounded just like him, but only this one could barely make sense.

Me: What can I help you with today?

Customer: Well, I got some pants.

Me: Ok. What happened with the pants?

Customer: They don't fit. My ass don't fit in these pants!

Me: So you want to return them or just exchange for another size?

Customer: They don't fit my ass!

Me: Ok

Customer: Can I return them?

Me: Of course. Just as long as you have the receipt and the tag, you should be fine.

Customer: The what?

Me: Receipt and tag.

Customer: Tag? It aint got no tag! I put it on and it don't fit my ass!

 Me: Well, just bring it here with the receipt and you should be fine.

He hung up after finally understanding, but I could barely understand him during the entire conversation. So out of this conversation, there was probably lost dialogue somewhere amongst his redneck jibber jabber. I blame the phone line for being so unclear. Either way, it was rather hilarious!

Random Conversations #2: Trying to Sleep

I don't know why, but every time I go to bed when there's something on my mind it's always impossible to try and find a bit of sleep. It's always the same fight back and forth.

Me: Panda Time! (That's how I declare it time for bed, for those of you unfamiliar to it.)
Mind: Not so fast!
Me: What is it now?
Mind: Well, you didn't think of how it went at the job interview? You haven't shared your thoughts today.
Me: I'm trying to not think about it. Why not distract yourself while I'm trying to sleep?
Mind: Fine. I'm going to think about something else.
Me: Thanks.
Mind: Say, I bet you miss your ex. Don't you? I know you do!
Me: Damn it, brain, enough! Go think of something else while I try to sleep. Perhaps, count sheep!
Mind: Ever wonder how your life would be if you didn't move away?
Me: Yeah. Unemployed with a degree...
Mind: But surrounded with friends and you would still have her.
Me: Yeah. But then where would I be living if there's nowhere for me to go? I got no car, no job, nothing to call a home base. That's pretty much pointless. So there, I'm going to sleep now.
Mind: Fine. 

*Moments of silence* 

Mind: Say...
Me: What?
Mind: Did you remember to update your zombie survival strategy?
Me: It's 3am, I think that kind of stuff can wait.
Mind: Then what about your list of places to go if you could travel in time?
Me: Later
Mind: Fine, if you won't listen to me...there's a way for you to listen. I'm going to give you a very vivid dream and tap into your emotions.
Me: No you won't. 

*After a night of sleep, I wake up* 

Me: Damn it. Another one!
Mind: Booyah!

Random Conversations #1: Hospitalized

I just had the strangest conversation with a buddy of mine, so I felt I had to put it here. But to add some backstory, I find out my friend was in the hospital and I, like any good friend should do, asked what happened.

I should also add something before going on with the conversation. If a friend tells you they are in a hospital, don't ask them if they are okay. Because if they were okay, they wouldn't be in a hospital. Random thought of the day...

So anyway, here's the conversation:

Me: I see you have been blogging a lot. 

Friend: Yeah, I'm in a hospital. I got a lot of time to do so. 

Me: Holy crap! What happened? 

Friend: No biggie. Just got hit by a car. 

Me: What? How is that no biggie? How did it happen? 

Friend: Pushed a kid out of a moving car. Got hit in the process. Damn kid, but hey, I'm out tomorrow. 

Me: Are you sure that's what happened? You're not saying that because you wanna impress a lady? 

Friend: I totally wanna get into your pants, bro. You caught me. 

Me: Touche.

Friend jumping in front of a car to save a kid? It can actually happen in real life, so watch out ladies, it's no longer fiction if someone uses it. But if you suspect it, go check their hospital records! Anyways, it took a lot of balls to jump in front of a car to save a kid. So kudos to my friend for doing a noble deed...and getting trolled for it.