Fish Guts

Out of all the crazy stories I've told over the years, I still can't believe I haven't told the one where Ace almost got stabbed in college. That's right, stabbed. Well, you're probably wondering what could have caused this crazy scenario. I did too because as usual, I'm always missing those things when they happened. Given, I was only a few minutes away while it was happening.

So what did happen, you ask? Easy. Those who have read some of my previous stories before know that Ace can be quite the charmer with the ladies (even when it's not his intention). So you probably are already starting to connect the dots. A regular casanova being the victim of an almost-stabbing incident? Yes!

A few months before the event, a particular girl in college had a falling out with Ace for reasons unknown to me. All I know is that they apparently went out a few times but it went nowhere. Now, add to the equation said girl's new angry boyfriend and an issue where that same girl was getting harassed by a former lover, and you have the perfect recipe for disaster.

Angry boyfriend quickly learned of Ace's existence and went down to hunt him down in the middle of the day, sorta like a bad bounty hunter. Meanwhile, Ace was just minding his business playing cards. And that's when the whole thing exploded. Suddenly, the bounty hunter entered our hangout spot and quickly called Ace out. After finding him, he grabbed him by the shirt collar and started the threaten him. The main threat, of course, was that he would gut him like a fish.

He was one angry dude!

I don't know if he had a knife on him or not, but I was told everyone was just paralyzed with shock. So for one, Ace was down sh*t's creek without a paddle. And that's when the bounty hunter's girlfriend showed up.

"I got the guy who's making your life hell!" he told her.

"Umm..." she said with some difficulty. "That's not him."

"What?"

"You got the wrong guy. Ace didn't do anything."

He let Ace go and gave him a pat on the back as he introduced himself. "Hey man," he said. "Sorry for the whole mess. But still, I would have gutted you like a fish if you were the right guy." And with that, they both left.

About a minute or two later, I arrive to find the whole place a bit odd. I look at Ace and he's got those eyes that tell "sh*t just went down." Once again, I had realized I had missed another story worthy event where I could have done something.

I blame Math 102 for it.

The Night The Sky Exploded

I believe this was back in 2009, but this is a story that takes place in the very middle of the night. Normally, I'm the kind of person who goes to sleep extremely early. However, that was the night I turned nocturnal for most of it.

As I was sleeping soundly, I suddenly felt a door shut and dismissed it as just minor. Seconds later, my best friend, Ace, calls me at 1am yelling at the top of his lungs.

"What do you want?" I say as I'm waking up.

"It's the end of the world! There was this big explosion, and the sky is on fire!"

"If it were the end of the world, why the hell would you wake me up?" I replied.

"You got to believe me! There's this big ball of fire, and it's a mess everywhere. The sky is burning up!" he continued.

If I were awake, I would have noticed something was odd about this. Not because of the big fireball burning in the sky, but the fact that he was speaking clearly. For you see, my best friend stutters often when he speaks. His level of fear was so intense, he didn't stutter a single time. But sleepy me didn't notice it.

"Go look at the window," he said.

I stood up and walked towards it. "I will bet nobody is outside," I said as I opened the window.

"Odd..."

"What?" he said.

"There's people pointing at the sky."

I walked out of the house and stood in the middle of the street as I looked up at the sky, realizing there was a giant fireball up there.

"The sky is on fire. Who knew?" I said, oblivious to the situation. And right there, I woke up.

What I think my face looked like when I discovered the fireball.

That's when I realized what was going on. I quickly hung up on my friend to check up on everyone else and make sure they were fine. Not many answered, but my buddy Johnny did pick up.

"Go see the sky," I said.

"Why?"

"It's on fire! You gotta see this!"

"I don't believe you," he replied.

"Would I call you in the middle of the night to tell you the sky is on fire just to get some laughs? I'm serious."

He stepped out of the house, keeping silent for a few seconds. When all of a sudden I hear him taking a large gasp on the phone.

"I stayed behind!" he yelled, thinking he got left behind in the rapture.

"It's not the rapture, you fool," I said. "There's been an explosion and I'm just making sure everyone's fine."

The real cause of that night's "Armageddon."

He hung up as I heard him begin to yell in paranoia. Turns out, there was an explosion at an oil refinery nearby and the entire area woke up due to the massive blast. But of course, none of us knew that right away.

As for me, I spent the rest of the night calming both friends. Both thought it was the end of the world, and I had to convince them otherwise. What a night it was...

Ace Shenanigans

Ever since I moved to Pennsylvania, all the silly stuff has now been happening to Ace instead of me. I swear, I will eventually have to tell all of his stories because I'm not getting any new ones on my end (just old ones I'm trying to build).

Maybe this was his plan. Realize that silly stuff is no longer happening to me and now he can be the main character.

Touche.

The Psycho, The Cake, And The Conclusion

So where was I? Oh yes, Ace and Cake had an enraged ex out to get them. That sounds about right. Not just that, but my paranoia was still going nuts. However, the weeks would pass and not a single incident would be reported. It probably remained calm for about a month, but as usual, it couldn't stay peaceful for much longer.

One day, upon returning from one of my classes, I find Ace walking around in frustration. As it turns out, the furious ex showed up at the university to confront them and nobody backed him up. But before I could get a glimpse of where he was, he had vanished.

I always miss the interesting parts when I'm in class, but when I'm free barely anything happens.

A few nights later, the enraged ex would strike again. And what a way to do so, especially since Ace woke me up in the middle of the night for it.

"Dude," he said. "Guess what?"

"It's the middle of the night, what can I possibly guess?"

"I'm surrounded by cops! Turns out, the crazy ex came following me as soon as we finished in court!"

This is how I imagined it as he narrated the events to me.

"So let me get this right. You call me late at night to tell me there's a crazy guy out to get you and you got cops all over the place? What kind of crazy person does that?"

"I know, right? He's going nuts."

"Not him, you idiot. You. You wake me up and then tell me all this stuff? I'm already freaking out over here!"

"Don't worry, I'm good."

Those weeks that followed were a roller coaster. I refused to leave Ace alone because he always seemed to get in trouble when I wasn't around. Not only that, Cake and Ace had begun to grow apart at this point. The whole thing was like some sort of mad circus. Enraged psychopaths, a couple who suddenly won't stop bickering, and the paranoid best friend who needed to keep his buddy from getting stabbed at the lunch table.

However, things would soon come back to normal. The psychopath would eventually stop chasing Ace (perhaps the cops finally got him?), so my relaxation levels were back to normal. However, Ace would soon show up at my house with a bag of chips. I knew it was that time again. A relationship was over.

Turns out, Cake just wanted to party like a rockstar while Ace just wanted to take things easy. So of course, the gentleman got dumped by the stripper. That's right. He got dumped for just being a nice guy and actually having values.

Now that the roller coaster was over, we can look back at it and think about all the things that went wrong there. Such a shame too, Cake was the only one of Ace's exes that actually liked me. All the other ones seemed to hate me for some reason.

And we could get back to our usual conversations.

Cake On A Pole

So where was I? Oh yes, Ace had just landed a date with a girl he just met (we just called her Cake, so I will do so here as well) and everything seemed to be going well. For once, it seemed a little too easy. And that's when I got the phone call.

"Dude, she has a boyfriend!"

"I knew it," I yelled. "I had a gut feeling."

"No, it's alright. She was about to dump him anyways, so I'm good to go!"

"You know this can't end well, right?"

But for some reason, everything was calm. That is, until a few weeks had passed. Ace and Cake were doing really well, so they decided to have me tag along on one of their dates (I was still a third wheel at this time, since it was a few months before meeting Amy). We stopped by her apartment to pick her up, when we started observing all the stuff she had around.

There was nothing to do, so what else were we gonna do?

Right away, I noticed a strange collection of colored wigs. So I had to ask Ace what was up with that.

"What are all those wigs for? Does she act or something?"

"Well, sort of."

I squinted my eyes, feeling there was more to this story. "What do you mean, sort of? What aren't you telling me?"

"Well," Ace hesitated, "she's a stripper."

She's a what?!?!?!?!?

"Of course. There had to be something off. There always is. Whether it's the good girl whose boyfriend beats you after church (true story), the crazy stalker who won't give up, or all those other crazy chicks, you can't seem to find a normal one again. I wouldn't be surprised if things got a bit strange just because she's a stripper. Heck, I wonder if her ex knew."

"He did. And he knows about us too," he said. "He's even come here a few times trying to break in and attack me."

"And you just bring that to a conversation just like that? So there's a lunatic who is out for revenge and he is after you? Even worse, he's out on the loose!"

"Don't worry about it. He has a restraining order. We are fine."

Just as we were about to finish the conversation, Cake entered the living room.

"So, what were you guys talking about?" she asked us.

We both smiled in silence, looking at each other at what to say. And that's when Ace brought out the cover, "just guy stuff."

That night, we all went out to the movies like a normal couple (and their third wheel) would. However, my paranoia was already planted. Then again, I'm a bit glad I kept my eyes open, because it would come in handy a few weeks later.

I kept my eyes open, in case he showed up.

But again, that's a story for another day.

Let There Be Cake

Ace and I were always up for random challenges we both issued, but during the fall of 2009, a challenge was issued that would change his life. One day, I had noticed Ace had gotten distracted during one of our morning breakfast runs. I had noticed that a girl on the other side of the cafeteria had caught his eye (when will it ever be literal?), prompting me to try and stop him from doing anything.

"No way," I said, "how do you know she isn't taken?"

"And what if she isn't?"

"Damnit, Ace! Let's not go there again!"

"I bet I can get a date from her today."

"There's just no way."

"Watch me."

And with that, we went our separate ways. I continued on with some delicious oatmeal, while he tried to get acquainted with the mystery woman. I went through the rest of the day assuming he had blown it at some point, perhaps because he found out she was taken or something. But then I got a text from him at around lunch time.

"Got cake!"

I quickly looked into the distance and saw both of them getting pretty chatty. He had done it, despite all my doubts. Ace had gotten the date. However, we had no idea what would soon follow as consequence. It was about to get crazy. 

Chips and Heartbreak

Sometime during 2009 (or late 2008, I can't recall), an event happened that set the foundation for an epic "bromance" with Ace. The night this happened, we were just getting to be good friends. However, it was all about to change. That night he called me, really sad, stating that he had to come over to my house for something. Keeping in mind that it was late at night, I had begun to worry it was an emergency.

But then again, it was Ace. It could be anything.

He came up to my house really depressed. As it turns out, he had just gone through a break up. And so, I stepped it up and just started talking. Before this night, I had known Ace as a smooth talking ladies man with the skills to woo anybody. However, it was during this night that I discovered the true Ace. We had much more in common than expected. Not only that, but his persona had made him quite misunderstood (but he's still messed up in the head).

For the first time in ages, I had found someone who could relate with me on so many levels. We stayed talking for hours, watching as he slowly cheered up due to our naturally geeky conversations. However, there was one matter that still annoyed me.

"Next time you get your heart broken, you better bring some snacks or something. This recovery process is making me hungry!" I told him jokingly.

However, it wasn't until the next year that I once again had the same call late at night. That time, he wouldn't say why, but I could tell. Once he stepped out of his car, he tossed me a bag of chips and we sat down to talk.

So to this day, every time Ace came over with a bag of chips, I knew what had just happened. Heartbreak never tasted so crunchy, but perhaps he should have brought dip (you know, for recovery's sake).

Too Old For This Playground

While I was back home visiting my friends, we took it upon ourselves to take a break from filming and mess around in the playground. We didn't see anything wrong with the image of a bunch of college (or recent grads) guys in a playground. Then again, we soon realized why we don't do these things anymore

Some of us got hurt while doing those crazy slides. And that was the moment some of us felt older, just because we realized we are simply too old for the playground.

But that's not gonna stop us from doing it all over again someday. Sometimes, it's good to keep in touch with your inner child.

Your Own Advice

For some strange reason, many of my friends have come to me for relationship advice. And it always confused me why they kept coming back to me for it, especially since I was still a novice when it came to relationships. And yet, the advice I always gave them seemed to work much to all of our amazement. So for years, I would give out relationship advice to all those who asked. Everyone felt like somehow, I was a love guru. Well, not quite.

During the fall of 2010, I was trying to recover from a nasty breakup. I had taken the whole burden for myself and didn't know how to get out of it. And that's when Ace noticed my problem. I had given out good advice for years, but ironically was unable to listen to my own advice. It's a bit ironic, really. And yet, he knew just how to get that advice to me.

He stopped me during a conversation and then gave me the same advice I had given him during his last breakup, and in the same exact words no less. I swear, sometimes you don't realize your knuckle headed friends are actually listening to you until they throw your own words right back at you.

This time around, it was Ace's turn to snap me out of it.

Bad Habits You Don't Notice

During my final semester of college, Ace came up to me regarding a particular observation he and Freddy (mutual friend of ours) did regarding one of my bad habits. However, he refused to tell me what the bad habit was. According to them, they would only tell me what it was once I figured it out. So of course, it drove me to a pit of self-analysis. And let me tell you, it wasn't the best one.

I quickly looked inside to try and find every quirky thing I did that others might consider odd (because of course, I'm a bit strange at times). I quickly went into my strange ticks or actions, from the itchy noses during allergy season, to the excessive blinking during constant stress.

And yet, Ace kept denying any of my guesses were right. I basically had to beg him to tell me what my bad habit was. He told me that I take something funny and just ram it to the ground due to my constant repetition of the joke.

I was, but too much of a good thing turned it sour.

And that's when I realized, I'm one of those guys! You know the one. The person who keeps using the same joke over and over until it basically outlives it's usefulness in about a week's time. You know those comedians that use the same joke in every act and then bore you? I was that guy, but when I saw something that made us laugh.

Suddenly, I wanted to try and forget every joke I still found funny. Take them to the toilet and flush them like that goldfish you forgot to feed when you were seven. So I had to dig deep to suddenly not become a joke killer. It actually hit me hard. Who knew I was butchering good jokes like that? At this pace, I could have opened up a store to sell the meat of the fresh jokes I had slaughtered (get it? Because it's meat...oh, never mind).

That's how my jokes were processed.

And after all that, I still find myself doing it from time to time. But this time, I know when to stop. That's right, I went through Humor Rehab. All the jokes, none of the excessive dosage.

Wake Up, It's Time For Motivation!

Going out for a few days, so I'm leaving this post ready beforehand.

Everyone's got that one friend who means well, but somehow does things in a strange way. No, I'm not the strange one in this story, but rather my buddy Pickle Jar (let's just stick with PJ). In the past, PJ has come to me and La Barba offering his wisdom when it came to meeting women. It's as if he was some sort of love guru. He just knew.

Pickle Jar was a love guru, and we didn't know how.

Thanks to his advice, I was able to get the guts to ask Linda out. But that's a funny story for another day. This time, the story was a bit different. In the midst of my slumber, I hear my phone starting to ring. I notice it's PJ calling for some reason. And right there, my first thought was "is he stoned again?"

Yeah, I forgot to note PJ has called me stoned before. However, he isn't a stoner. It's a bit strange, but he's not one of those guys who constantly smells like weed or anything. He just does it from time to time. And once he did call me, stoned off his mind, wondering if I could buy a ticket home so I could film a movie idea he had.

To this day, I had no clue what the movie was about nor did I ever hear about it again.

Back to the story. I pick up the phone instantly (very light sleeper) and realize he's not stoned. He's in full control of the conversation, and not just because I'm asleep. This time, he calls me to ask if I had "woken up" and found my path in life. My first thought, "why the *bleep* would you ask me at 4 in the morning if I've decided my life's path?" However, all I could say was...well, I don't remember. I wonder why. Oh yes, I was freaking asleep!

I almost did this before realizing it was a call.

Suddenly, he calls me a few hours later (once the sun has risen and the rooster has played his banjo) wondering if I had indeed "woken up." And so we somehow engaged in a conversation that somehow turned into a motivational speech. And once again, the self-help guru had stuck.

I don't know how he senses it, but he somehow knew I was down. However, why did his senses kick in at 4am? I'm still not sure about that. And no matter what, PJ continues to amaze me. It's like he's an unorthodox wizard with incredible knowledge. He just knows.

Dumpster Buddies

Somewhere between 1995 and 1996, a specific chain of events took place that wouldn't have a full reaction until later in 2008. This is one of those things I vaguely remember, but thanks to recent events, it's all become a bit clearer.

So what kind of events did start back in the 90's? Well, it's obvious that as a kid, I was bullied for basically being a strange kid. It's just the way of the playground, nothing unusual there. But in one particular day, I got tossed into the trash by some bulles. And it was at that moment, that my life was about to change.

"They got you too?" said another kid in my same situation.

"Yeah," I replied. "I hate these bullies."

"Then come with me. I know a place where they won't find us."

"Where?"

"The library"

It was a moment of pure genius. I had never thought of hiding in the library, and suddenly this kid comes into my dumpster (or did I stumble into his?) and finally offers a sanctuary. How could I pass it up? And so, I took the kid's offer and joined him at the library. And every day since then, we would just sit down and read comics during our recess. Not just that, we also had a third student seeking shelter, so we all became friends in a way.

Flash forward to 97, I had to change schools. While my best friend JC and I did indeed stay in touch, I did lose contact with my library companions. It was very unfortunate, because I would later block out most of the 90's from my memory.

2008 comes around and I've joined a new group of misfits. However, something felt a bit familiar about two of these friends. And once I hear the name of the school one of them came from, I started connecting the dots. The next day, we brought photos of our classes from 1996 to see if we could find each other. I quickly found them both, not even realizing that those kids I had picked out from the picture were standing right in front of me. And then it was their turn, I was found on the spot.

And just like that, I had reconnected with old friends. And what makes the chain of events epic, is that the kid in the dumpster turned out to be Ace, one of my best friends ever. So if it weren't for those bullies who shoved us in the same dumpster, chances are we wouldn't have had such a history.

It's also funny to tell others the story of how we met. Ace just puts it as simple as possible. "Easy," he says, "we both got shoved into a dumpster and found each other."

If that's not a precursor to a good bromance, then I don't know what is.

Somehow, I know I can relate.

Playground Cage Match

So while this story is actually something I've done as a kid, it was one of those memories I kinda blocked out as a kid (along with most of the 90's). JC and I were kinda reminiscing about the good stuff from 1996. And somewhere along the way, he mentioned the one fight I sorta had in elementary school.

Not the Cage Match I had imagined.

Now, I thought he was just pulling my leg and making it up. And yet, this actually happened.

I was apparently in a fight with some kid from school, so we went to the playground to solve our differences. Problem was, my mind and reality had different views of what was going on. We went to the jungle gym to solve our differences, because apparently I wanted a cage match. So of course, all the kids surrounded the place to see the school nerd get his ass kicked.

However, there was no ass kicking. Rather, there was an endless supply of laughter. I don't know why, but out of all the things I could have come up with from the entire pro wrestling arsenal, I decided to go with the Sleeper Hold. Why didn't I just realize I was a little in over my head at this point? And also, what kind of kid calls out for a cage match in the fourth grade?

Probably me.

So I tried to give the kid my best sleeper hold and defend my honor as the bottom of the food chain. However, from what JC tells me, my sleeper hold looked more like a cheap attempt at overwhelming my opponent with an arsenal of hugs and tenderness. He kept laughing as he told me the part about the hugs. It was then that I realized I was trying to adapt my own bad attempt at a wrestling move.

The end result wasn't quite what I expected.

I don't know what else happened that day, but I bet it wasn't good.

Stories like that are no wonder why many of my childhood memories are repressed. Then again, it must have been pretty hilarious. I'm wondering what other embarrassing stories from my childhood JC has for me.

April Fool's Day: Toonami Edition

Last night was just like any other, me struggling in my bed as I tried to find some sleep. And suddenly, at midnight, I get a message from La Barba.

"Dude, TOM is on TV!"

I didn't know what to make of it, especially since that character hasn't been on TV in ages. For those who don't know TOM is a character from the old Cartoon Network who hosted the Toonami block of japanese animation, as well as other cartoons based off comic books. During the 90's and early 2000's, it was the best time to be watching TV while we were growing up. So when I heard it was back, I was a bit skeptical.

And behold, I turned on my TV and saw that some shows I watched in high school were once again airing that night. I quickly celebrated, but was somehow surrounded with confusion. I started to get skeptical. Especially when earlier in the night, I was almost the victim of someone else's April Fool's prank. So I watched on to see if it was true.

Hooked on Draw Something

I downloaded this new game yesterday, and already I'm having too many laughs because of it. I gotta say, it's been ages since I've last been involved in any game resembling Pictionary. So far, I've been having an extensive game full of laughs with La Barba. He and I have been playing all day, making each other laugh more and more at our drawings.

It all started when I had to draw an image representing Easter. So I thought, let's make it easy. Rabbits and colored eggs. Funny enough, my rabbit looked like a rat and my egg looked like the rat took a colored dump on the other side of the screen. Due to my terrible art, La Barba was trying to guess anything involving RAT as the first three letters. If trying to make a good drawing is funny enough, watching your friends as they try to answer is even funnier.

La Barba eventually got the EASTER image right, but only after he asked me what that colored abomination on the screen was. Of course, I replied it was a badly drawn egg. He guessed it right away. Then it was his turn. And it was by far the funniest turn by far in our ongoing game. He drew a man with glasses and a tie, but kept circling a lot. It was three letters, so I was trying to see what it was. Suddenly, he began to draw him again from scratch, but added these words to the image: "he sells chicken." I don't know why, but I read that in Chris Rock's voice. I dropped the iPod in laughter as I realized he meant KFC.

Chris Rock yelled at me, "He sells chicken!" Then I knew.

I was up once again, so I had to see what came up.

Germany.

So, I drew the german flag. I don't know what happened to La Barba, but somehow he got his flags a bit mixed up because the first word he attempted was "Frenchy" and I almost choked on my own spit from all the laughter. Quickly, he wrote Germany on the board, realizing he experienced a brief moment of confusion.

I had some fun playing Scrabble against some friends online, but I had no idea that Pictionary would make such an epic comeback. So far, it's produced more laughs than frustration. Now if you will excuse me, I have to make a poorly drawn interpretation on Nascar.

What Goes Around

Ever have a situation where something you criticize comes back to bite you in the ass? Well, this is the story of what happened to two of my friends and how eventually we got the last laugh.

A while ago, I posted about how a bro understands when a bro ditches another bro to spend time with a lady, as well as the proper etiquete of how to handle the situation. For many months, one of my friends was constantly in pursuit of a girl he was madly in love with. La Barba (I'm sticking with that as his name) did whatever it took to try and conquer her heart, no matter what. However, he was stuck in the proverbial prison known as the Friend Zone.

So at times, Pickle Jar (another strange choice for a name, but screw it) and I would often sit there and wonder how our friend was screwed.

Pickle Jar: "Look at him. Lost cause. When is he going to get the hint?"
Me: "But who can blame him? He's doing what he feels would make him happy."
Pickle Jar: "Screw that, man. He's gotta get someone else and just move on."

And time and time again, La Barba would fall prey to his own weakness of love. However, we were always there for him, despite Pickle Jar's attempt at relieving the situation. When it came to matters of the heart, Pickle Jar seemed like he had the answer to everything. He was like the Wikipedia of dating, sources included. And every time La Barba and I would have something regarding dating or otherwise, you could bet Pickle Jar was there to mentor us.

And despite his countless teachings, we would often just follow our gut and get our own results. And then came the time where La Barba finally took it upon himself to get distance and clear his head. We were happy that he was taking this bold step, but something was looming over the horizon. Pickle Jar had fallen in love. And now, the sh*t has hit the fan.

He was somehow breaking all of his rules as soon as he started going out with this girl. La Barba and I quickly found all of this hilarious. For once, the one with all the answers was the one who seemed like he needed them. So now, we were the ones who had the answers...at times.

Irony can be quite funny when it turns against you.

For months, we would tease La Barba every time he brought his love interest into a conversation. But when Pickle Jar did it, it was twice as funny. It was even funnier when we all went together one night to eat. We were having a simple conversation, when suddenly the waitress who took our order turned out to have the same name as Pickle Jar's love interest. And like clockwork, we ripped him a new one as soon as she left. We were holding in our laughter like a kid during their first sex education class. Who could blame us? It was too funny to pass it up, especially if it's ironic.

That just goes to show you that what goes around, comes around.

Ace The Vampire

When it comes to Ace, it's sometimes hard to have him as a wingman. Then again, it's always been a burden of mine when it comes to wingmen, so I'm not surprised it happened with him too. My wingman goes with me to help me out, but ends up with 200% more attention than I do. And by accident, no less.

During my early years of college, it was with my best bud from high school. Girls always went from him and forgot I was even there. But with Ace, it's gotten more dangerous. Why? He looks like f*cking Edward from Twilight. No joke.

Quick, hide me from the stalkers!

You know how hard it is to just go out and have all the girls come at you and know it's because you're hanging out with Mr. Cullen? After a while, it starts to get annoying. And yet, it was also hilarious at the same time.

The first time I started to notice his Edward complex was during one of the Twilight premieres. And no, I didn't go to the movie, thankfully. I know this story thanks to Amy, who went to see it with my other friends while we were dating (perhaps I should have taken a bullet for the team). During the line to enter the theatre, a Twilight fangirl noticed Ace and practically went batsh*t crazy for him. She yelled at ear-destroying levels with excitement to see Edward in line and did anything she could to take him home. So for the whole night, Ace had a creepy little stalker.

I'm the funny sidekick with the crazy facial expressions.

And ever since then, the ladies have been seeing him as Edward. It's gotten to the point where some of it has gone to his head and he sometimes acts like a vampire (thankfully like the classic ones). So whenever we go out, it feels like it's seeing Edward and Steve Carell hanging out. One's a movie heartthrob and the other is a goof (Carell is awesome!), so imagine what happens when the ladies arrive. They push me out of the way so they can talk to their vampire.

At this point, I'm surprised we never ran into Buffy. Having to explain to her that Ace isn't really a vampire would be one of those imaginary scenarios that would make for an awesome story.

Chain Reaction

In the spirit of Valentines, I'm starting a week (or so) of stories related to relationships (both in dating and in friendship). First off, I'm going to start with a strange story that took years to build, but it led me to believe there was a chain reaction going on.

I will explain...

Ace and I were always each other's wingman, so we knew what was going on when it came to dating. However, in the spring of 2010, Ace came to me and realized that something strange was happening with us. We were starting to develop a pattern. Every time one of our relationships ended, the other one would start one. Without fail. How did this come about? It all goes back to 2009.

I started wondering if something odd was happening.

During the fall of 2009, Ace was in a strange relationship with an exotic dancer (no kidding) and I was their third wheel from time to time (on normal dates, nothing strange). All went normally, until the start of 2010 when I met Amy (again, another story there). Suddenly, when my relationship with Amy was set in stone and we became official, Ace showed up at my house with a bag of chips. Why chips? Whenever Ace brought a bag of chips over to my house, it means he got dumped. First time it happened to him, he stayed at home so much that I just joked to him "next time you get dumped, at least bring some snacks if we are going to be all night moping."

Little did I know that he actually took it to heart. And it's still a tradition to this day. But back to the story.

So my relationship was starting, and his was suddenly ending. All in the same week. Flash forward to the end of 2010, Ace went up to me to tell me he might be starting a new relationship. I worried a bit, since my own relationship was in a downward spiral, but I still joked. "You getting in a new relationship? Does that mean mine is going to end because you got a girl?"

I got dumped 24 hours later.

And thus, a chain reaction was discovered. Whenever one of us would begin a relationship, it meant the other's was going to end. And it happened yet again last year. During the time Ace came home during the spring of 2011, I was starting a relationship with Linda. We still can't explain the crazy coincidence.

But I guess the chain is broken now. During my first official date with Linda, Ace and his new girl were already set, so in a way, it broke the chain. For once, both of us had relationships at the same time, so the four of us got to see each other often. However, on Halloween, Linda and I broke up and it was back to restoring the balance of the universe. Ace was still in a relationship and I wasn't.

And now that I moved away, I wonder if the chain reaction will continue or if it will stay the same. I wonder what will happen to Ace whenever I do meet someone new. But for now, the universe is back to normal.

Insane Asylum

It's been a month already since I moved, and I gotta say it's been quite tranquil. However, I'm starting to see how much I miss my "insane asylum" commonly known to many as my friends. Why an insane asylum? Because my friends and I drive each other insane with all the crap going on in our lives. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I liked the insanity.

If only things could always be this crazy!

Heck, I imagined us one halloween going around in straight jackets just to prove how insane we were. Then again, I got used to this level of insanity mostly because of them. Ace and Johnny were always going about with relationship dramas in their own lives, which made me realize I had some pretty crazy friends to begin with. Then again, that's just the surface.

To keep things even more insane, my relationship with Amy can be described as something bizarre. Especially considering we are way better now than when we were dating. Strange, but a little insane too. It's not too common to see, outside of a TV sitcom at least. But trouble follows us too, so it's interesting enough to not stay bored.

And then there's my other friends, whose combined levels of insanity make me think I'm sometimes in a strange cartoon or something. The one who knows it all, the hopeless romantic, the leader of a zombie apocalypse, the storyteller, and a few others are just what I deal with most of the time. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

And now that I've spent this time away from them, I have grown to miss them more than I thought I was going to (did that just make me sound like a prick? I dunno...). And even though I know I will see them again, it feels strange to be apart from my insane asylum.

I need some wacky friends here.

Random Conversations #1: Hospitalized

I just had the strangest conversation with a buddy of mine, so I felt I had to put it here. But to add some backstory, I find out my friend was in the hospital and I, like any good friend should do, asked what happened.

I should also add something before going on with the conversation. If a friend tells you they are in a hospital, don't ask them if they are okay. Because if they were okay, they wouldn't be in a hospital. Random thought of the day...

So anyway, here's the conversation:

Me: I see you have been blogging a lot. 

Friend: Yeah, I'm in a hospital. I got a lot of time to do so. 

Me: Holy crap! What happened? 

Friend: No biggie. Just got hit by a car. 

Me: What? How is that no biggie? How did it happen? 

Friend: Pushed a kid out of a moving car. Got hit in the process. Damn kid, but hey, I'm out tomorrow. 

Me: Are you sure that's what happened? You're not saying that because you wanna impress a lady? 

Friend: I totally wanna get into your pants, bro. You caught me. 

Me: Touche.

Friend jumping in front of a car to save a kid? It can actually happen in real life, so watch out ladies, it's no longer fiction if someone uses it. But if you suspect it, go check their hospital records! Anyways, it took a lot of balls to jump in front of a car to save a kid. So kudos to my friend for doing a noble deed...and getting trolled for it.