Awakening My Senses

So my wingman taught me a few useful things about the world, including some new useful insight. He basically sat me down on his sofa one day and showed me 2 pills, one blue and one red. I thought he was going to pull some Matrix philosophy on me, but it just turned out that one was his vitamin and the other one was for allergies.

Turns out, he helped me hone my observational abilities to such a degree, that I ended up teaching him a few things as well (such as the Reverse Magnetism Theory). But this week, the new senses came to a new high.

I noticed someone had her eyes on my wingman, and I managed to notice before he did. Felt like Sherlock Holmes there, minus the pipe or british accent.

But the true shocker came when I began to suspect something. Could it be that I have an admirer now? If so, then my newly aquired skills have paid off.

Until then, I will wait and see what *Code Pink* does. Depending on her actions, I will get the info I need.

The Friend Zone

If there's anything that seems more deadly than being locked in a cage with fire-breathing bears, it's being sent to the friend zone. We have all heard of it, while some of us have been sent there. Ever been just having casual conversation with a girl and suddenly you feel like a bus hit your soul? That's the friend zone acting up. Seriously, it's starting to turn into a super power of sorts.

And once you're there, you're stuck for life. There's barely anything you can do to get out. But here's a few things you can do:

1. Get comfy: The friend zone mostly lasts an entire lifetime. Once you are there, there's no way out. Get a sofa, put up a TV, maybe get a good computer and play Warcraft. It's like taking a one-way train ticket to nowhere.

2. Resistance is Futile: Do not try to persuade her into changing her mind, because it's been made up probably since your second conversation. I don't know what it is about the ladies, but they can even zone you just by looking at you. It's like walking into a bear trap, quick to strike and takes you by surprise...that is, unless you poke it with a stick and get caught out of sheer stupidity. So if someone zones you, accept your fate and move on. Besides, it's good to keep your dignity intact.

3. The Grass is Greener: Once in the friend zone, you will realize there are other prospects out there just waiting to zone your sorry ass at a later time. But once you get yourself back in the game, you will see the friend zone as a bench. Because after playing a good game, you get replaced at halftime because you just couldn't impress the coach.

4. Don't Go Insane: Simply put, just don't.

5. The Boomerang: A combination of numers 1 and 3, you will keep coming back into the friend zone so much, you might as well build a fort there.

Take it from a friend zone expert, these tips will keep you from going insane once you are zoned by someone. And that's knowing something, since I have been zoned dozens of times, that I can already see it coming.

A little knowledge goes a long way...especially if it will help you survive a horrible fate such as this.

Sarcastic Phone

So apparently my phone today decided to show me an event reminder in my calendar for tomorrow that read "1yr Anniversary."

My phone must have a sense of humor or something... because it must have not gotten the memo on the break-up. Or perhaps I just forgot it was on my phone...

This is what I get for forgetting to update my calendar, I suppose.

But hey, at least I don't have to go tomorrow. It's not like I will get in trouble if I miss that appointment now.

Lunch on Next Never

A while ago, I wanted to ask this girl I was interested in to a quick lunch. Problem is, she was always busy, so I knew I would have to get turned down...and most likely in public. But still, I had to take my shot.

Me: Hey, wanna go out for lunch sometime?

Her: Sure.

Me: So, when are you available so we can go?

Her: Ummm...Never

Me: Alright, so can I pencil you in my agenda for next never?

Her: *Laughs*

While I did get turned down, at least I managed to keep my composure and not look bad. Moral of the story is, always stay on your feet...it can often turn a bad situation around with just wit.

Surprise, Surprise!

It seems that a bunch of people today were bombarding me with the same question over and over. "What's up with you and your ex?"

Simply put, nothing is. We resolved our issues quietly and are just hanging out as friends, like most people do. But apparently it's become quite a shock to many.

Now I know what Spiderman feels when Jameson tries to get any kind of story on him, even if false.

The Reverse Magnetism Theory

You know how we try to attract as much as we can when we want to be with someone? The way we try to focus on those qualities that make that person so special, the way we try to do everything we can to make them ours, the way to try our hardest to have as much magnetism as we can.

But there's also a reverse method for this. How so? It only applies to people who don't want to search for a relationship.

I call it, "Reverse Magnetism Theory" (sorry if it's already used in science, but I checked with google and nothing came up in terms of name, so I'm good) and it's an effective way to stay single.

This happened to my wingman currently. He wanted to find a way to keep his mind off trying to get a relationship, so it was my turn to share some of my wisdom with him...and now I share it here.

Reverse Magnetism is all the opposite you do when seeking a relationship. You get to meet the person, but once you establish in your mind that you don't want a relationship with this person, find a quality that person has that you simply can't stand. And focus on it, focus with all your might. It's not a way to reject a person, because that's not what it's about. Just find something about that person that will make you realize it won't be a good relationship with that around. And once that sinks into your brain, you will no longer want something with that person. That way, you can continue about your business without having to worry about any emotions coming up because every time they might, that negative characteristic pops up and reminds you of why you don't want to date that person.

So next time you see that person nag, whine, show insanity, annoy you more than nails on a chalkboard, or just find a way to repel you faster than a nerd at a beauty pageant, keep in mind that it will keep you at ease.

Works every time!

Good Deeds and Trouble

I swear, one tries to do these good deeds and all it causes is trouble. For once, I kept a new year's resolution in wanting to fix my problems from the past before graduation. I finally fixed things with both my ex-girlfriends and contacted my former best friend about the matter. But where there's a noble deed, there's Murphy and his damed laws out there to ruin it.

I swear, Murphy's Law must have a thing against me.

Maybe it's just the universe's way of screwing with us when we behave accordingly. When people drift apart and then suddenly are brought back together for some reason, does it disturb the balance of the universe? I think that might be the case, since trouble follows with every good deed.

But hey, at least I managed to keep one of my resolutions for once.