Fish Guts

Out of all the crazy stories I've told over the years, I still can't believe I haven't told the one where Ace almost got stabbed in college. That's right, stabbed. Well, you're probably wondering what could have caused this crazy scenario. I did too because as usual, I'm always missing those things when they happened. Given, I was only a few minutes away while it was happening.

So what did happen, you ask? Easy. Those who have read some of my previous stories before know that Ace can be quite the charmer with the ladies (even when it's not his intention). So you probably are already starting to connect the dots. A regular casanova being the victim of an almost-stabbing incident? Yes!

A few months before the event, a particular girl in college had a falling out with Ace for reasons unknown to me. All I know is that they apparently went out a few times but it went nowhere. Now, add to the equation said girl's new angry boyfriend and an issue where that same girl was getting harassed by a former lover, and you have the perfect recipe for disaster.

Angry boyfriend quickly learned of Ace's existence and went down to hunt him down in the middle of the day, sorta like a bad bounty hunter. Meanwhile, Ace was just minding his business playing cards. And that's when the whole thing exploded. Suddenly, the bounty hunter entered our hangout spot and quickly called Ace out. After finding him, he grabbed him by the shirt collar and started the threaten him. The main threat, of course, was that he would gut him like a fish.

He was one angry dude!

I don't know if he had a knife on him or not, but I was told everyone was just paralyzed with shock. So for one, Ace was down sh*t's creek without a paddle. And that's when the bounty hunter's girlfriend showed up.

"I got the guy who's making your life hell!" he told her.

"Umm..." she said with some difficulty. "That's not him."

"What?"

"You got the wrong guy. Ace didn't do anything."

He let Ace go and gave him a pat on the back as he introduced himself. "Hey man," he said. "Sorry for the whole mess. But still, I would have gutted you like a fish if you were the right guy." And with that, they both left.

About a minute or two later, I arrive to find the whole place a bit odd. I look at Ace and he's got those eyes that tell "sh*t just went down." Once again, I had realized I had missed another story worthy event where I could have done something.

I blame Math 102 for it.

Being a Voter is Annoying!

Well, I gotta say I've had yet another first in my list of experiences. Today marked the first time I voted (at 25, one would think I would have done so before). Even stranger, my first time was in a place foreign to me. I didn't even bother to vote back when I was living in Puerto Rico. And suddenly, Pennsylvania has somehow made me go "sure, why not?" I really don't dig too much into politics, but I've always wanted to vote for a president (since we can't back home for some reason).

But this post today isn't about the whole political game or whatnot. Rather, it's do vent on how annoying it is to be a voter in both Puerto Rico and Pennsylvania. I got some observations from both now that I can say I've seen how it works on both ends of the spectrum.

First off, political campaigns at home can only be described in two simple words: F*CKING LOUD! There's so much noise that it has to be considered bad for the environment. Why? Well, every single candidate and their mother (do they really?) go out in loud caravans (trying to find the right word, but it's like a little mini parade for each candidate) and block every single road imaginable while making the most irritating amounts of noise. Gotta say, I've been stuck in traffic quite a few times thanks to those guys, so it can get irritating when you mix a lot of hostile drivers with that.

Secondly, people back home see politics like Americans love the NFL or baseball. It's a sacred sport and has caused quite a bit of trouble. Picture it this way. I would obviously get the living daylights beat out of me in Boston if I'm caught wearing my Yankees jersey, same thing at home but this time it's a tale of Red vs Blue. You have no idea how many brawls have broken out just because people are on different sides.

I disagree with your political views, my good sir.

But mostly, it's all about the noise. And speaking of noise, that brings me to the other side of the spectrum, Pennsylvania. In here it's been nothing but silence. While there haven't been any parades, caravans, or any other word for it, there has been a sweet silence. However, that silence is all gone once you turn on the radio or the TV. Back home it's the same, but you still get the noise outside the house. At least in here I can avoid all those negative ads by just staying away from my TV. Gotta say, those ads have made me miss even the dumbest of commercials.

Boy, do those ads annoy the hell out of me! I mean, every five seconds there's an attack ad. At this point, all I can think are about how much more dirt do they need to dig on someone? And that's when I had a few ideas:

-"X Candidate has a dog, and dogs lead to communism. Don't let X take away your rights!"
-"Y Candidate hunts bald eagles for sport, and that means he hates America!"
-"X was once seen wearing a Germany jersey during the World Cup. He's a nazi!"
-"Y once said a curse word in the 5th grade! Do you want someone like that leading your country?"
-"If X wins the election, the world will be driven into total chaos!"
-"If Y wins the election, it will ignite World War III"

At the end of the day, my brain has had enough.

Seriously, it's like watching kids pick on each other at times. At first it's fun to watch, but then it just makes your brain send signals to shut down your whole body! So no matter on what part of the world, elections can be quite annoying. The only difference is where the noise is distributed. Some are noisier than others while others are downright nasty. Oh wait, that's everywhere.

Good thing I already voted and got that all out of my system. Now, I wonder what we will do with all those political signs once tomorrow comes? Perhaps we can build a boat with them? That would be fun.