Tech Support

So yesterday I'm hanging out with my friends, when suddenly I get a call from my second ex-girlfriend. Wondering if my phone was pulling another prank on me or if she was really calling, I decided to answer the phone.

She got to the point...she needed help with a printer.

It seems that, as a geeky ex-boyfriend, I'm going to turn into tech support for my ex-girlfriends at this pace. I hope the next calls won't be for the same matter, otherwise I might have to practice my Indian accent.

Tip for geeky fellas: date chicks who can at least defend themselves with electronics, that way, you don't have to turn into Tech Support after the break-up.

Now I'm wondering which is worse...The Friend Zone or Tech Support.

A conundrum indeed...

What Are You Doing Here?

Have you ever run into someone you haven't seen in a while with a smile on your face, only to have it ruined when they say "what are you doing here?" I swear, it's the one thing that really drives me insane. I don't care who you are, that's not the way to greet someone.

What ever happened to "long time no see?"

So it got me thinking, there should be a right time when to ask the dreaded question. And here's a few things that came to mind...

Correct times to ask "What are you doing here?"

1. When someone interrupts during sex.

2. When someone you don't like crashes your party.

3. When a historical figure rises from the dead and you run into him/her on the subway.

4. When you get a truly unexpected visit.

5. When you see a colony of ants establishing base all over your yard.

I'm sure there are more, but these seem to be the most important ones.

So next time someone asks what you are doing there, either make a witty rebuttal like so...

Q: What are you doing here?

A: Waiting here for my bear cavalry so I can head to Russia for the weekend. You?

Either that, or state the obvious...

Q: What are you doing here?

A: Why, the same thing all others do when at the train station...waiting for Santa Claus!

Let's end this epidemic once and for all...

Not a Detective...

Well, that sucked. It's the second time this year where my deductive skills lead me to a false conclusion. I thought *Code Pink* was really into me, when it was really a friend of mine she was into.

It seems I'm a victim of the "Girlfriend Effect."

Curse you, Murphy! And curse your laws!

On a Roll...

So today, not only did I get more confirmations that *Codename Pink* is into me, but it seems I also managed to land an unexpected picnic date with another lady friend I ran into on the train.

I think my pheromones are finally working!

Awakening My Senses

So my wingman taught me a few useful things about the world, including some new useful insight. He basically sat me down on his sofa one day and showed me 2 pills, one blue and one red. I thought he was going to pull some Matrix philosophy on me, but it just turned out that one was his vitamin and the other one was for allergies.

Turns out, he helped me hone my observational abilities to such a degree, that I ended up teaching him a few things as well (such as the Reverse Magnetism Theory). But this week, the new senses came to a new high.

I noticed someone had her eyes on my wingman, and I managed to notice before he did. Felt like Sherlock Holmes there, minus the pipe or british accent.

But the true shocker came when I began to suspect something. Could it be that I have an admirer now? If so, then my newly aquired skills have paid off.

Until then, I will wait and see what *Code Pink* does. Depending on her actions, I will get the info I need.

The Friend Zone

If there's anything that seems more deadly than being locked in a cage with fire-breathing bears, it's being sent to the friend zone. We have all heard of it, while some of us have been sent there. Ever been just having casual conversation with a girl and suddenly you feel like a bus hit your soul? That's the friend zone acting up. Seriously, it's starting to turn into a super power of sorts.

And once you're there, you're stuck for life. There's barely anything you can do to get out. But here's a few things you can do:

1. Get comfy: The friend zone mostly lasts an entire lifetime. Once you are there, there's no way out. Get a sofa, put up a TV, maybe get a good computer and play Warcraft. It's like taking a one-way train ticket to nowhere.

2. Resistance is Futile: Do not try to persuade her into changing her mind, because it's been made up probably since your second conversation. I don't know what it is about the ladies, but they can even zone you just by looking at you. It's like walking into a bear trap, quick to strike and takes you by surprise...that is, unless you poke it with a stick and get caught out of sheer stupidity. So if someone zones you, accept your fate and move on. Besides, it's good to keep your dignity intact.

3. The Grass is Greener: Once in the friend zone, you will realize there are other prospects out there just waiting to zone your sorry ass at a later time. But once you get yourself back in the game, you will see the friend zone as a bench. Because after playing a good game, you get replaced at halftime because you just couldn't impress the coach.

4. Don't Go Insane: Simply put, just don't.

5. The Boomerang: A combination of numers 1 and 3, you will keep coming back into the friend zone so much, you might as well build a fort there.

Take it from a friend zone expert, these tips will keep you from going insane once you are zoned by someone. And that's knowing something, since I have been zoned dozens of times, that I can already see it coming.

A little knowledge goes a long way...especially if it will help you survive a horrible fate such as this.