Side Effects

TodayI want to discuss 2 of the effects that happen when one becomes single. First, there's one thing people should know. When one gets off a relationship, they quickly get randomly selected by the universe to have one of these 2 side effects. They either get the "Bug-Zapper Effect" or the "Scarecrow Effect."

The Bug Zapper Effect makes you as attractive to the opposite sex as super bright lights are to flying insects, or as crappy vampire movies are attractive to emo kids and women. Without even trying, you attract people left and right without knowing why. However, none of these are successful as once they get too close, they get quickly zapped. I originally wanted to compare this effect to a bunch of flies surrounding horse crap, but it just wouldn't seem as proper to call it the "Horse Poop Effect" now wouldn't it?

And then there's the other one...the Scarecrow Effect. Upon becoming single, you share the very qualities of a scarecrow (except being made of hay and straw, that's just not cool) and somehow chase away all crows (members of the opposite sex in this case, but thankfully they don't crap on your wardrobe when they sit on your shoulders). You suddenly find yourself repelling them without knowing why. No matter the wardrobe you choose either, or the attitude you take. Once the universe has labeled you a scarecrow, you got very few that stay by your side. And if you're lucky to land a crow on you, then congrats...but by then you would be moved to a new farm since the old one was replaced for a convenience store.

So what's the moral of the story? Both side effects will mess with you, no matter who you are! And either way, we are all screwed. But once you identify which effect has chosen you, the better it is to work around it.