Lucky To Be Here

Since I started my retail job last month, I was hit with a curious thought that somehow spiraled into a massive philosophical issue in my mind. Before I got this job, I was applying to any store with availability. However, despite the fact that I'm already employed, it's become a subject of my curiosity as to why no other place that was hiring has yet to contact me.

I mean, I applied to some of these places in February. And they are still looking. For crying out loud, I applied to a booth where they sell hats at the mall. A booth! And none of these places have called? I can understand the places where I applied to where they didn't need anybody at the moment, but to still have your "Now Hiring" sign up for months after applying? It quickly started to repeat itself in my mind, was I not good enough to sell hats at a booth, work the register at a pet store, or just stand there?

To have even a booth not call you, it hits your ego in the balls.

Two TV stations rejected me (I assume due to lack of replies), one marketing job rejected me while another one wasn't ideal, and now I see that many of the stores that needed help are still looking after I have applied? I know I'm not the greatest thing ever, but at least I was someone interested in working at that place! I should consider myself lucky to at least have my retail job, but the fact that no other place called kinda bruises one's ego a bit. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough for even a starting position at a retail job. If it weren't for my current job, I would be at home going insane at my own inability to find employment.

And now, every day I step into work, I take a deep breath and remind myself how lucky I am to be working there. Even though they told me they desperately needed people, I like to ignore that little part and just think that I'm actually there because they thought I was good enough to help out. Otherwise, my ego would be taking some serious bruising.

Oh well, that's life.