Santa Claus

"Off to break the laws of physics, bitches!"

It's Christmas Eve, so that means it's time to wait for Santa to come and bring presents! However, have you really stopped and thought how he makes it all possible? How can someone of his size travel in a small sleigh and carry presents for all the kids in the same bag?

Dude's got to be a wizard or something, that has to be it! Either that, or he's a massive scapegoat for late-night robberies on Christmas Eve. Whichever way you look at it, Santa is a powerful fellow capable of pretty awesome sh*t. First off, his reindeer fly all over the place, but they look like they are still running. That part has always seemed a bit curious to me. If they can fly, then why do they keep running? Do they not realize they are floating? Those reindeer gotta have something special, otherwise we would see Santa on a rocket.

Secondly, he's a master of breaking into homes to drop presents. Let's face it, Santa Claus is a ninja. There's no other way around it. He's a f*cking ninja, and that's how people never see him. Perhaps he's a mystical ninja, which would explain his ability to slim down to any size as well.

He also knows who has been naughty or nice, so he's even more out there. Perhaps Santa can help capture bad guys during his free time if he knows who is good and who isn't. And if he knows all the time, he should probably the most badass detective ever. He can narrow down a suspect and know who it is before even getting the case.

I could go all night mentioning how Santa Claus is a mystical ninja wizard who can solve crimes, but perhaps it's time for me to sleep and wait for him to break into my home as well. But no matter what, there's only one way to explain all of Santa's shenanigans...