Lost Memories

They say you can block out memories of bad times and actually trick your mind into forgetting them. Believe it or not, this has happened to me. This is the story of my forced amnesia.

Elementary school was a rough time for me, especially after the third grade. I had gotten a really bad disease which nearly killed me on 2 occasions, I believe. So I was a sick kid that was barely at school and barely had any friends. I will admit I was very strange growing up, so it's no surprised I got bullied. However, the rough times I went through, combined with the bullying and all the teasing from all the kids made elementary school a living hell for me. So of course, it's no surprise I repressed all those memories.

I was the strange kid in class, no matter what I did.

And while I lost most of my memories from the mid 90's, I had left with a chip on my shoulder. I was like that bitter old man who hosed down kids for standing near his lawn. And it wasn't until I was in college that I decided to close that chapter once and for all. I was going to try in high school, but someone from elementary school showed up to make high school also a nightmare (story for another day). So my elementary school sorta followed me around for most of my life, no matter where I was. But I knew college was the perfect time to let it all go. I was a different person. I had matured into a rational adult. And it was time to face my past, even if I didn't remember most of it.

And so, during the fall of 2009, I went to the class of 2005 reunion in order to meet with those from my past. I wanted to both find out about my past, and find lost friends who had been locked away into figments of my memories. And right off the bat, I was greeted by a familiar face whom I tried to recognize with every fiber of my being. I came with a longtime friend who studied with me during that time, so I'm glad I didn't have to go alone. But when I was greeted, I wasn't recognized and just got a regular hand shake. That is, until I smiled. Suddenly, she froze and looked at me as if she had seen a ghost. I was recognized. Also, I was also confirmed to still be alive.

She announced I had arrived, and tons of people from my past quickly came up to greet me. Some faces or names I recognized, while others I couldn't remember no matter how hard I tried. Do you know how hard it is to greet someone who clearly remembers you, but you have no clue who they are? I swear, I must have blocked those memories really well. People talked about events that happened back when I was with them, but I couldn't recall a single event. And yet, I sensed that there was one peculiar topic that nobody wanted to discuss.

Nobody wanted to discuss the times I got bullied or humiliated. And I don't blame them. Nobody would wanna bring up dark times after having been gone 15 years. Besides, I had the kind of amnesia that seemed almost too cliche for any story.

Who are you again? I can't remember!

However, it wasn't until halfway through the party that the person who greeted me came up to me and confronted me about my past. She was the only one who dared go up to me and talk about it. And thanks to her, I was able to close that door so tight, it might as well be used to protect yourself from an army of the undead. She looked me in the eye and told me that I did have people who did help me, and that the bullying really wasn't the best thing they could have done. I wanted to shed a tear, but I wasn't gonna do that. I was just so happy to close a chapter of my life.

However, the amnesia is still there. I can remember anything about the 90's clearly, except my personal life from 1995 all the way to 1998. That stuff is still a blur to me. And yet, I'm thankful to that one friend who confronted me about the past and helped me move on. Thanks for making my last memory of elementary school a good one, even if it did take place in 2009 during college. I don't have that chip anymore, thankfully. I mean, we didn't know any better back then. We were only kids.