Geronimo, 2012!

With 2011 coming to a close, I gotta say I'm satisfied with how things went. I finally finished college, I was in a great relationship with a great girl, and I got to have some other experiences in life that are going to help me in the future...somehow.

But now that a new chapter in life has begun, I often wonder what's going to happen. I left my old life behind, all of it. And now, I'm starting a brand new journey all alone. It's a bit nerve wrecking, but at the same time it's exciting to see how I cope on my own, at last. No college, just life at last.

So to this new stage in life, there's only one word that can describe it.

Geronimo!!!!!

Resolutions: Amy's Story

I got one more resolution story left, especially since I mentioned this month was going to be dedicated to it. Any who, this resolution is the most complicated, since it has a great backstory. Now then...where to start...oh yes, the task I had to fix.

What I had to fix was my relationship with Amy, one of my exes. Thing is, there were some bad rumors spreading and I knew she suspected me of foul play. So I had to set the record straight. But before that, the backstory...

Amy and I first met back in the spring of 2011 in a production class. We were paired up together for an assignment (I was kinda hoping it), but my first impression was a bit odd, especially since I thought she was a bossy bitch. However, spending some time together, we developed some chemistry and were then set up to go on a date disguised as an assignment.

Needless to say, sparks flew.

And then one day, the unimaginable happened. She had a slip of the tongue in a group conversation and said the following, "he isn't going out with any date, because I'm his girlfriend."

She said what?

Even though my reaction was somehow similar to this surprised cat, I was speechless upon what I had heard. So after that, we started dating. However, it was my first real relationship, so it was a bit rocky at times. But despite that, we found ways to make it work.

However, the relationship ended (how it ended is perhaps a story for another day) and I was just shattered. We kept fighting like trolls on a message board, and it resulted in us just splitting even more. However, the next semester came and there were horrible rumors...

I knew I had to confront her, especially since it wasn't my doing. I had nothing to gain. And we had a good talk, kinda renewing a friendship. Felt pretty good, to be honest. And somehow, we once again became closer (not too close, since I was dating someone else). And now, we are very good friends.

Moral of the story, don't let bad rumors ruin relationships, no matter how shattered they may be. Besides, words are powerful things.

Regeneration

If it's one thing that I have learned from Doctor Who, is that we always keep changing. There are times in life where a change so great happens, that we feel like we have become a different person altogether. For me, I feel like it's my time to do so. Tomorrow I will move away, leaving my old life behind and starting a new one from scratch. So in a way, it does feel like a regeneration...especially since I have changed.

My experiences here have made me who I am today, but I'm always looking forward to what's coming next. I look at my future with optimism, always wondering what's to come.

But I still wish I did the whole regeneration shiny thing, looks really cool. But then again, I won't be able to handle changing my face every time my life if about to change. I rather just keep this ol' goofy face.

So my new adventure begins now! Time to take a change and see what's coming up!

It's time to change again.

Santa Claus

"Off to break the laws of physics, bitches!"

It's Christmas Eve, so that means it's time to wait for Santa to come and bring presents! However, have you really stopped and thought how he makes it all possible? How can someone of his size travel in a small sleigh and carry presents for all the kids in the same bag?

Dude's got to be a wizard or something, that has to be it! Either that, or he's a massive scapegoat for late-night robberies on Christmas Eve. Whichever way you look at it, Santa is a powerful fellow capable of pretty awesome sh*t. First off, his reindeer fly all over the place, but they look like they are still running. That part has always seemed a bit curious to me. If they can fly, then why do they keep running? Do they not realize they are floating? Those reindeer gotta have something special, otherwise we would see Santa on a rocket.

Secondly, he's a master of breaking into homes to drop presents. Let's face it, Santa Claus is a ninja. There's no other way around it. He's a f*cking ninja, and that's how people never see him. Perhaps he's a mystical ninja, which would explain his ability to slim down to any size as well.

He also knows who has been naughty or nice, so he's even more out there. Perhaps Santa can help capture bad guys during his free time if he knows who is good and who isn't. And if he knows all the time, he should probably the most badass detective ever. He can narrow down a suspect and know who it is before even getting the case.

I could go all night mentioning how Santa Claus is a mystical ninja wizard who can solve crimes, but perhaps it's time for me to sleep and wait for him to break into my home as well. But no matter what, there's only one way to explain all of Santa's shenanigans...

Resolutions: The Friendship Handyman

Back to resolutions today. While my attempt at resolution #1 turned out a disaster, while still keeping noble intentions, it was time to go on with the second fix of the list. This one was going to be a bit trickier, especially since it involved a friendship that fell apart a few years back due to me losing my temper.

Now, we all have temper. It's just a matter of who can control it and who can't. And while I consider myself a patient man, even I have my limits.

Long story short, I ended up losing my cool and yelling at someone, causing a long-time friendship to collapse. While indeed it wasn't the right thing to do, it was time who had to let things cool off. And that's what I did. Almost 2 years after the incident, it was time to talk to those friends again.

It was a pretty good start, to be honest. Now, nothing was ever set in stone, but it's a start. Communication is better than it was, at least. Now we are on good terms again.

Moral of the story is:

Don't go yelling at someone when you lose your temper, it may just come and kick you in the ass later.

And with those resolutions out of the way, it was time to deal with the third one and possibly the most complicated one of them all...Amy.

But that, that's a story for another day. It's way too complicated to be written so simple, and besides...it's time for TV.

End of an Era

Today marked the last day of my BA in college. Gotta say, there was a lot of anticipation regarding this day. I was hoping I could spend it with my group of friends and have a blast in the university, perhaps giving it one last hurrah.

But then again, reality isn't always like that. It was the longest day of my life! The place was completely empty, even the bees that hang around the trash bins were gone! I had just finished lunch with a friend and another left a bit before that, so after lunch it was just snoozeville. I went to my usual spot just to see if I could get some last thoughts, but the place didn't feel special anymore.

I got bored and left to my department, where I hoped the rest of the day would be bearable. I had to work my last day as a tutor there, but there was only one problem...

Where the f*ck did everyone go?

It was as empty as can be. Not a soul to be found. All the students had gone off to vacations already, and there I was...the tutor on his last day. Nobody to tutor, nothing to do.

Biggest problem? I left at 5, and it was only 1:30 when I entered. Thus began the longest afternoon of my life! I tried reading, but the absolute silence was distracting. It was too silent that it began to disturb me. I got used to the communications lab being filled with life and energy, but this time around it was a wasteland. I was there in an empty space, like the final scene of a sitcom. You know the one. Empty room, light switch next to the door, dramatic exit and lights turn off. All I got was the empty room, nothing else. Close enough, I suppose.

But soon enough, 5pm hit and it was time to bid farewell to the university that had somehow become a great part of my life. It was a bit emotional at first, but then about 10 seconds later I realized how messed up it was in there and I quickly jumped in joy of my new found freedom.

However, once I had realized my BA was over, all I can do is think of sleeping. My body is exhausted like nobody's business. Perhaps my body wishes to reclaim those lost hours of sleep that were lost during college? Perhaps it's a common effect in all students when they finish. All I know is this, sleep is my top priority now.

Well, at least for now.

Resolutions: Running Then, Running Now

Well, how can I even begin this one? This was the first of the "finishing all unfinished business" resolution and it's a bit of a doozy. Any who...

It was February of this year, more or less near valentines day, ironically. The irony was due to the first person I talked to concerning this resolution was my first girlfriend. Long story short, we didn't last long because she was way too much into me, to the point where it felt just wrong. So I did what any sane individual does when there's a problem in a relationship. Run.

Things didn't end well, to say the least. And it kept eating me alive for 2 years, mostly because I felt guilty. So on the 13th, I spoke to her and gave my apologies. There was only one problem with the whole act of kindness...

She took opportunity of my redeeming and conscience clearing act as a way to try and get something she didn't have. And that one thing was me! Boy, was that a headache. I was once again stuck trying to explain I didn't want anything with her, but she kept trying to get me. Even after 2 years apart, she wanted me as badly as day one.

I couldn't do that, because I have what some people know as self-respect. Google it, I can wait a few minutes. Back? Alright. Where were we? Oh yes, the giant dragon in the car.

Eventually, I ended up doing the same thing I did 2 years back. I ran away once again, hiding for dear life since I was basically being hunted. Thankfully, that was the only case within my own resolutions that didn't go so smoothly.

But I still had a few things on my list that needed to be taken care of.

Resolutions

It's December already, which means that it's time for people to think of their New Year's Resolutions. For me, my newest resolution is to get my new life organized. Gotta make sure to get a job, a good friend, and set up my master's degree.

Most of us use the resolution as a way to lose our holiday weight, only to regain it once again a few months later.

But for me, I actually have been keeping last year's resolution. It's surprising, but I'm actually doing it right. Since I'm moving away and starting over, my resolution has been to finish all unfinished business here. It was either that, or to lose the five pounds I gained from eating that giant turkey drumstick. So delicious. Anyways, where was I?

Turkeys are delicious...

No, that isn't right. Ah yes, resolutions.

In that whole list, I managed to fix broken relationships, heal some wounds, and become a stronger man. Not stronger like Hercules, but close enough I suppose.

But the story of those resolutions is perhaps told another day. Right now, it's way past my bedtime...no really, I'm still writing with one eye open. I'm not kiddi....................................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Alright, I'm done for today. More resolution stories during the month.

Bedtime

Remember when you were a kid and staying up past 8 made you feel like a badass? I know I do. We often wondered what it was like to see what the world was like after dark. TV was different, and so was the rest of the world. We thought it was cool to stay up late because we secretly hoped awesome stuff happened by then, only to find out there's nothing really going on. That is, until we reach our teen years.

As kids, it's cool to stay up late and be a badass.

When we were teenagers, we did the opposite. We were owls. We stayed up late, possibly until 3am or later. We watched all the TV there was at those hours, stayed up late playing video games, or developing a habit of last-minute studying to later be perfected in college.

Once college arrived, staying up late continued to be a habit. However, it kept changing as we get closer and closer to graduation, with us losing more and more sleep as we went along. But now that I'm also older, I'm finding it confusing as to why I suddenly have trouble staying up past 10. Perhaps it's because I'm almost at my mid-20's or because I'm mentally exhausted from my bachelor's degree. Either way, it's strange to see why I'm sleeping so early again.

Perhaps as we get older, we realize our bedtimes are something we establish automatically. Even people who party hard have a bedtime, but for them it's as soon as they get enough alcohol in their system to pass out. But for the rest of us, there's an established time that we give ourselves without knowing. Morning people tend to pass out at earlier times, whilst night owls tend to accept the challenge of a long night, but are too beat later.

There's so much truth in this picture.

But enough about talking about who goes to sleep at what time, I'm getting sleepy for some unapparent reason. My bed is just calling me, so it's time to listen to it.

Last Minute Projects

Well, thanksgiving weekend is done. Now it's time to go back to our daily lives and return to college. But wait, something's wrong.

That final report you had to turn in tomorrow. Did you even start it?

No?

Alright! Last minute work it is!

But something very peculiar happens during these desperate times. Murphy's Law sticks it's ugly head just when the project is going underway.

So your printer gets a jam, it runs out of ink, or runs out of paper. The lights go out in your home. You're needed desperately for errands. The dog literally eats your homework (story for another day), or destroys your USB drive. Any of these can be a factor.

For me, this was a day where it all went a bit odd.

Start my morning to do a final project due the next day (like a boss, I may add). Almost finish, go out to deal with other assignment until nightfall. Get invited to Twilight and rightfully decline, but it's already over 9pm. I got in the car and drove, but it was way too dark. I missed my exit and ended up on the freeway going the opposite way. Eventually I made it back and found my way home, only to arrive and finish my assignment last minute.

Moral of the story is, if you're going to leave it for the last minute, at least make sure to do it in the morning.

Zombie Friday

I really don't like partaking in any of these shopping days like today. I don't know how it is in the states, but over here it's just too much to handle. I woke up wondering how the sales went, and then I look at the news. Boy, was I embarrassed.

This was a video taken from the inside of a store this morning during the Black Friday sale. I just couldn't wrap my head around it, because it seemed so messed up. How can we be so crazy for just shopping? I'm starting to think we are going on a downward spiral where we are just going back to being just brutes.

But hold on, perhaps if we take a look outside the stores? Maybe it's not so bad, right? Maybe the insanity is just inside the stores.

This cop just gave an angry customer a jedi force push!

Oh dear, it's even worse outside.  It's like a riot! It's like a zombie apocalypse, but these zombies want to go shopping instead of eating brains. To think we would drop this low, it's just embarrassing. And I thought watching Jersey Shore was something to be ashamed of, but this is really just indescribable.

There's not a hand big enough to fit this kind of facepalm. Perhaps a good face to the desk would suffice. No? How about I take a hammer made of common sense and just smack humanity's face with it? I think that might seem like a fun idea, to be honest.

To think there's such a reason to go this insane over shopping. From now on, I'm changing the name of Black Friday. I'm going to call it Zombie Friday, since people just turn into crazy zombies in order to get stuff.

It's Zombie Friday! Time to go shopping!

See? That's what it looks like here! A bunch of zombies going crazy in a mall. Let's hope the next Zombie Friday isn't so barbaric. Hey, a guy can hope, can he?

Playing Through It All

Don't know why, but this image represents a great deal of truth with me. Ever since my break-up, there's been this sudden interest in games all over again. Somehow, I'm playing more and more videogames and I never knew why. I know it wasn't boredom, since I normally just solve that in other ways.

Yet, the undying urge to play a whole lot of games stayed there. I tried so many games to pass the time, but I still wondered why. Perhaps it's how some of us cope with things. I want to think it's how our own mind protects us from going completely insane after unfortunate events. The mind truly is a powerful thing, forcing us to keep busy with other things so we don't have time to be sad.

All in all, the mind is like a good friend. There are there for you in hard times and keep you busy, but they also laugh at you if you do something completely stupid.

Now if you will excuse me, there's a now conscious urge for videogames calling.

Donuts and Undergarments

If it's one thing I have my learned from living in Puerto Rico it's this. People go apeshit over something they have never seen before. What do I mean by this? Let's take a trip back to last year. Krispy Kreme was going to be making it's local debut here. Once it was announced, people went crazy just to get a donut. As if we had never had a donut in our lives. What ever happened to the Dunkin Donuts we have all over the place, or the incredibly awesome yellow boxes of donuts we buy on the street?

Did we suddenly get some kind of amnesia fed by the excitement of consumerism? Probably, but since it comes from "Disney" (anything outside the island), then it has something special and magical.

And last week, another epidemic struck with the opening of Victoria's Secret for the first time here. Now, this one just made my brain turn into mush. Underwear...people went crazy over it. Everywhere we go, it's the pink bags. It's as if people have never seen underwear all of a sudden. What the hell is wrong here? Perhaps Victoria will let us know what her secret is, I'm not sure. It's like the Britto craze all over again, only now they are combined.

If we get a Barnes and Noble here, will people react as if they have never seen a book and go read? Perhaps that's the one thing we need, because it looks like we are getting dumber with every new store coming from overseas. We definitely have seen donuts before, and we have certainly gone shopping for undergarments before as well.

Sometimes, I just don't know why we do this.

A Bro Understands

You ever have that one friend that ditches you for a lady friend when you made previous plans? Ever feel like ripping him a new one with an onslaught of jokes that will let him know how you feel? Well, before you do that, remember one thing...

A bro understands!

Why? Simply because we have all done this ourselves. I mean, come on! Trying to decide between hanging with a bro or a lady friend is like having to choose between a unicorn and a dog. A dog may be your best friend, but come on, it's a freaking unicorn there! That's gotta mean something!

(Writer's note: Unicorns are manly. Anybody saying otherwise has to deal with Batman!)

Our bros are always going to be there, no matter what. The good times and the bad, he's always there to help out and make a bad day seem good. So it's alright if we cut them some slack every once in a while if they ditch us for a lady friend, especially if he's mad in love.

However, note that this doesn't apply to when a bro has a girlfriend. When it's a girlfriend, a bro encourages one to be with her. They can wait a bit to hang out. There's always time, especially when one needs a breather or time to unwind from all the relationship drama. Other than this, no exceptions!

So the next time there's a friend canceling plans or ditching you because he's spending some time with a special lady, make sure to cut him some slack. That way, you can come up with ways of ripping him a new one when they're done. That way, everybody wins!

Weekend Procrastination

No matter how tough the week may be, we somehow manage to work through it. But as soon as Friday hits, we somehow shut off all responsibility that could bother us during the weekend.

Friday:

We realize there's work to be done, so we slightly read over it or simply skim through what we have to do. However, the obligation of relaxing is too strong to resist. But no worries, you will work tomorrow.

Saturday:

Still with enough time to dedicate to work, you still feel like procrastinating is not a problem. You take advantage of the time and perhaps go out to a movie, geek out with friends, or just stay at home all day watching TV. Either way, you goof off knowing there's inevitable work in the future. So you spend as much time as you can enjoying the day, before it's too late.

Sunday:

You wake up earlier than expected because you know there's work to be done, but the bed has an incredible power over you. You take advantage of the morning hours to work, not because it's a convenient time, but because there's nobody that can possibly distract you on a Sunday morning when you get to work. And even if there could be, they are doing the same thing you are. You do as much as you can, until you realize you haven't eaten. Once you get away from the computer and goof off a bit, it's all downhill from there.

Monday:

*facepalm*

But don't worry, because next weekend it's the same story all over again. And to think that we would learn by now. Oh well...

11/11/11

Today's date had a lot of people thinking it was going to be a magical day. When I first heard this, I was seriously hoping someone actually showed up riding a unicorn dressed as Napoleon just to prove a point to today's "magical day" belief.

However, it was just another ordinary day. But that didn't change people from making those 11/11/11 wishes.

I for one, caught myself thinking about this wish fad that came through the day. I found myself wishing for success in finding work and my new life, but also couldn't help but try and wish for something strange just because I felt like I could.

However, it's funny how a simple day on the calendar can make everyone go bananas.

The Start of a New Journey

Ever felt like you're someone's afterthought? Like all of a sudden, you cease to exist and you weren't given the memo? You feel like you're the fart nobody wants to claim during a long trip?

Well, that's kind of the story with my recent break-up. After already going through a post break-up transition last week, I thought I was getting better. That is, until I see my ex, Linda, this week. Problem was, I reached out to her, but she didn't reach much back.

And that's when it started to get to me. Did I fall into a universe where she doesn't know who I am or something? If so, please send me the memo, because it's a bit late. Now I know what it felt to be the lone roman, looking into his beloved's eyes and seeing a blank stare of indifference. That, or the face of looking at a loved one you truly know, but having them look at you as if they never even met you.

Perhaps she's happy now that I'm gone. I try not to think of these things much, mostly because it sorta cramps my style. But overall, it makes this post break-up process last a whole lot more.

I know it's a bit off posting something so serious in a blog that's normally of a humorous tone, but it's times like these where a good friend tells me "just write, damnit!" and it makes me wonder. Sometimes we gotta just have a change of pace, even if it is for a bit.

I swear, if trying to reach out to your ex, even if it's just a short conversation, seems like an uphill battle then something's wrong. After sharing some really good memories together, one would think she could spare a few minutes to answer a text message or just talk for a few minutes. Nobody can just get thrown out like that and then forgotten.

I still can't see the number in here.

It's like a colorblind test for the colorblind, you have it right in your face but you don't quite see what's going on. However, sometimes you would rather now know the truth, even if it's eating away at your curiosity. My situation with my ex is just like that test. I see a whole bunch of dots I can't really analyze because I'm colorblind, but it eats away at me. Now I know what Cookie Monster felt like. Irresistible cookies in plain sight, gotta be a sucker not to eat those things.

All in all, it's these mysteries of life that sometimes makes our time of healing a lot longer than it should. There's no word to describe the feeling of how it feels when your ex gives you the cold shoulder and leaves you behind on such a short notice. One week, you are both happily in love. The next, you're just an afterthought.

Now I begin to start to feel sympathy for one of the characters in Doctor Who, since I understand her pain to lose a loved one with every visit. Makes me wonder, yet again, if I could have done something about it in the past to make things better.

Where to next?

But that's the irony of life. We don't quite see where we are going until we get there. And once our long journey has ended, we can't help but sit back and reflect on what just happened. It's kinda like a TBS rerun of an old comedy series, but only relevant.

All I can do now is just open the door in front of me and begin my new journey, no matter where it takes me.

Darwin's Theory Goes to the Club

Most people have already heard of Darwin's Theory of Evolution, right? Well, it's basically a statement about how the strongest survive and the weak perish. Those who are strong, adapt to all changes and therefore, evolve. Now then, what happens when we apply this theory to a dance club?

In order to answer that, we gotta go back to the summer of 2010.

We had organized a group to go to a local club, something I never do since I don't party. But it was a gathering with friends, so I knew it would be alright. That, and I had Amy with me, my girlfriend at the time, going with me so I knew it wasn't going to be dull.

I met up with Ace and the guys to joke around for most of the night, mixing it up between dancing with Amy and sharing some cake with the rest. However, at one moment of the night, things got curious. I noticed that Ace was walking around desperately, looking at his phone constantly as if he were waiting for something.

"What's up?" I ask him.

"Just waiting."

"For what?"

"THEM...Johnny said they were coming!"

So I quickly went to find Johnny, who was dancing with some ladies already. I asked him what Ace was waiting for, and he quickly let out a quick laugh.

"That's easy," he laughed. "He's waiting for the lesbians to arrive."

Suddenly, it all made sense. But at the same time, I smelled the competition brewing between Ace and Johnny. As they waited for the ladies to arrive, they started preparing for their dual conquest. All the while, I took Amy to dance.

Later that night, the ladies arrived and in an instant, the race was on. They quickly went towards Johnny, disregarding Ace completely. We started gathering up the other friends in a group and started to watch the theory of evolution unfold in front of us. We kinda turned into those sports commentators on ESPN, because we had the complete play-by-play of everything Ace did to catch up with Johnny.

The ladies surrounded Johnny and gave him some PG-13 style loving in front of us, leaving all of us with mouths open wide in what we witnessed. However, there was also Ace, trying to get in on the action. Trying from every angle, he failed to even get near any of the ladies. They simply brushed him off, while never letting go of Johnny.

At the end of the night, we ended up leaving. Ace was our ride home, but his conquest for lesbians took away our ride home. All the while, Johnny was having one crazy night in that dance floor.

On the way back, it made me think of Darwin's theory. Poor Ace, got left behind. It seems Johnny got the better of evolution that night.

The Night the Sky Exploded

I believe this was back in 2009, but this is a story that takes place in the very middle of the night. Normally, I'm the kind of person who goes to sleep extremely early. However, that was the night I turned nocturnal for most of it.

As I was sleeping soundly, I suddenly felt a door shut and dismissed it as just minor. Seconds later, my best friend, Ace, calls me at 1am yelling at the top of his lungs.

"What do you want?" I say as I'm waking up.

"It's the end of the world! There was this big explosion, and the sky is on fire!"

"If it were the end of the world, why the hell would you wake me up?" I replied.

"You got to believe me! There's this big ball of fire, and it's a mess everywhere. The sky is burning up!" he continued.

If I were awake, I would have noticed something was odd about this. Not because of the big fireball burning in the sky, but the fact that he was speaking clearly. For you see, my best friend stutters often when he speaks. His level of fear was so intense, he didn't stutter a single time. But sleepy me didn't notice it.

"Go look at the window," he said.

I stood up and walked towards it. "I will bet nobody is outside," I said as I opened the window.

"Odd..."

"What?" he said.

"There's people pointing at the sky."

I walked out of the house and stood in the middle of the street as I looked up at the sky, realizing there was a giant fireball up there.

"The sky is on fire. Who knew?" I said, oblivious to the situation. And right there, I woke up.

What I think my face looked like when I discovered the fireball.

That's when I realized what was going on. I quickly hung up on my friend to check up on everyone else and make sure they were fine. Not many answered, but my buddy Johnny did pick up.

"Go see the sky," I said.

"Why?"

"It's on fire! You gotta see this!"

"I don't believe you," he replied.

"Would I call you in the middle of the night to tell you the sky is on fire just to get some laughs? I'm serious."

He stepped out of the house, keeping silent for a few seconds. When all of a sudden I hear him taking a large gasp on the phone.

"I stayed behind!" he yelled, thinking he got left behind in the rapture.

"It's not the rapture, you fool," I said. "There's been an explosion and I'm just making sure everyone's fine."

The real cause of that night's "Armageddon."

He hung up as I heard him begin to yell in paranoia. Turns out, there was an explosion at an oil refinery nearby and the entire area woke up due to the massive blast. But of course, none of us knew that right away.

As for me, I spent the rest of the night calming both friends. Both thought it was the end of the world, and I had to convince them otherwise. What a night it was...

Halloween Walk of Shame

What, you thought going to costume parties, dressing up, and going trick or treat were the only things happening on Halloween? Well, think again!

On an episode of How I Met Your Mother, it was explained that Halloween also has what is known as the "Walk of Shame." So what does this consist of and why am I plugging one of my favorite shows? Simple.

I now have my own "Walk of Shame" story to elaborate on, and can now confirm the reality of this tradition. First off, this event needs a definition:

When you emerge from a guy's house wearing the same Halloween costume you partied in the night before reeking of booze, sweat, and maybe pumpkins- all in good fun from the night before. And unlike the normal walk of shame... you cannot hide in your halloween costume.

So there it is, a clear definition to the "Walk of Shame." Now then, off to my story...

My dog wakes me up at roughly 6am, normal time for the little guy to tell me to take him to his outdoor toilet. So I go to the elevator and catch a ride down. But suddenly, the elevator stops a few floors below and I quickly begin to wonder. "Who would wake up this early on a Sunday morning? Perhaps other dogs needed to take a dump this early too. Maybe someone works early today."

And then I see the person walking in. A girl more or less in her early 20's, I would say. She entered dressed in a cat dress, but it looked rather trampy. I quickly noticed the painted whiskers were almost done, by sweat I assumed. Not just that, but she had a look on her face that can only be described as shame and disappointment. She just looked at the floor, not even recognizing my dog's awesome cuteness.

The elevator opens at the lobby and she quickly walks towards the front gate. As she makes the trip, I realize she isn't a resident at the building I'm living in since she's got no key. That's when the episode from HIMYM came to my mind. And in seconds, I realized I was witnessing a "Halloween Walk of Shame." She walks out the front gate and just wanders off into the next street, no car noise or anything to indicate how she vanished. But I know this, she walked away shamefully as my dog took a piss on a car tire.

I wonder how many more flooded the streets in their costumed shame...

Procrastinating Tomorrow

Well, let's see...

I originally just wanted to tell stories from my life from a humorous standpoint, but it seems my procrastination has prevented me from even doing this much. Eventually, this blog just turned itself into a "I will write this article/story tomorrow" kind of thing. Problem is, tomorrow was supposed to be six weeks ago.

I started watching Doctor Who, started planning movies, did some homework, and even took my girlfriend out to a nice dinner. But I didn't sit down and write. Then again, tomorrow is looking pretty good to write...

No, I gotta do this now! Let's see...I'm still just getting started with the blog and the stories haven't progressed much. I guess I gotta divide them into categories then. Dysfunctional friends, dating misadventures, observations, and other categories I haven't come up with yet seem to be a good idea.

But I'm trying to see where to start this series of stories from my life. I mean, I got plenty of options where to start. I can write about the night the sky was on fire (not kidding, sorta...), perhaps a story from my school days to make good backstory into my character, or perhaps a story from the strange world of dating. So many ways to go about this, but not sure where to begin.

Perhaps I should just start with the night the sky was on fire...

I dunno, maybe tomorrow.

Scratchy Scratchy

In one of the most random things from life, it seems there's a phenomenon that only occurs when lifting stuff. Use both arms to lift something, no problem. However, suddenly you begin to have an itchy nose. Then it's followed by an itchy eye, and an itchy lip.

Next thing you know, it feels like your face is crawling with bees. You begin to panic, try to scratch your face with whatever you can, but you still can't lift your arms.

Oh, the humanity!

You endure as long as you can, finally reaching the point where your arms are free. But what's this? The itch is gone! And yet, you sit there wondering where it all went.

Why does your face itch only when your arms are busy? That's a mystery of life, my friends.

To The Second Floor

One thing that has been irking me ever since I started living in an apartment are the people who wait long minutes to take the elevator to the second floor, when the stairs are right next to them. Not only that, but with 3 busted elevators, it takes forever while one arrives in any given floor.

So then why wait an eternity just to go upstairs on an elevator? You got stairs right next to you, and hopefully a perfectly good pair of legs. Use them!

I'm wondering how lazy people can really be, but I'm starting to think there's more to it. How so? Elevator trips to the floor above seems like the tip of the iceberg. I'm afraid to see what extremely lazy action I will encounter next.

Idiocracy

Ever watch that movie? No? Then what the heck are you waiting for? Go watch it so you can understand my statement.

Go ahead, I will wait...

I know you didn't watch it, so screw it.

For those who did see it, I really think the movie is becoming somewhat close to reality. I mean, have you seen all the stupidity out there lately? It's insane.

I don't know why, but I get a feeling that history will make a second Hitler, but only this time he wants to eliminate stupid people. Hero or villain, it won't matter...someone will want to exterminate all the stupidity.

Perhaps we can send them all off somewhere...I don't know. But I feel it may be contagious if we aren't careful. I mean, just watch most of the stuff on TV and you will see.

Turn on MTV and watch your brain cells jump off a giant cliff.

They are everywhere...

Superhero

We all wanted to be one since we were kids. Some of us still want to be a superhero on the inside and don't say it. However, what happens when one of your fears keeps you from being your favorite hero?

Would you be unable to "Hulk Smash" if you had arachnophobia and saw a spider somewhere?

That's pretty manageable, if you ask me.

But I got upset because in a recent talk with my girlfriend, I realized my fear of heights would prevent me from being my favorite superhero, Spiderman.

The web slinger, who jumps all over the heights of New York in order to save the day. And imagine if he were unable to jump all that high due to fear of heights...

So we got thinking into what kind of superhero I could be, despite my fear of heights.

We concluded that:

-Even though Hulk doesn't fly, he can jump pretty damn high and would bring down the aggressive force if that fear were to come out.

-I would probably not want to fly as Iron Man.

-F@ck being Superman, this one's a no-fly zone.

-I would be unable to be as awesome as Batman.

-I refused to be Aquaman, since he's just a swimmer. There have to be better heroes.

Perhaps I could be Flash? He's just really fast...

Maybe I could be from the X-Men, like Gambit or Cyclops. It seemed that was my only option, since I can be on a jet just fine...but flying? Nooooo...*sigh*

Oh well, here's to being a grounded superhero...that is, if it came to that.

Talking to Myself

I wonder what would happen if my teenage self saw what he became. I wonder how his head would explode at the very thought of getting to some places he never thought he could.

Not just that, I wonder what it would be like to have a conversation with my teenage self. Sounds like a pretty strange thing to do.

However, I think I would be able to kick my own ass at video games if I were to do that. Then again, I would take advantage and do some bonding with myself.

I would turn my teenage self into a hipster and tell him to like things before they are cool. Either that, or I will make him more awesome.

Either way, it would be strange.

The Pepper Conundrum

So summer is almost over for me. And as usual, everyone normally makes plans they wanna fulfill during said time. Among those plans, I have yet to get any of my other movies going or get my picture with Donald Duck. Pretty good for a long list that included travel to 2 different states, college issues, and other plans. At least...I thought it was so.

During my travels to the state of Texas, I was acquainted to Dr.Pepper and all it's delicious glory. So going back to Puerto Rico meant no longer having that soda, or so I thought. I quickly found some for sale at the mall near home and couldn't be more overjoyed. But it all changed the week I was out in Florida reliving my childhood with Mickey and pals.

After having my fill with Vanilla Coke, Dr.Pepper, Disney Parks, and pre-flight nausea, I was confident my new favorite drink would be waiting for me at home. That is, until I got back...

After going back to the mall with some friends, I was disappointed to see my drink was no longer available. Heck, it wasn't even mentioned in the inventory anymore. So after dealing with a tough truth that my drink was no more (and then finding out I was filmed during the entire process), I quickly tried to go to Plan B.

Plan B took me to the biggest tourist spot on the island, it's very capital. So one would think that a place with so many tourists is bound to have it, right? Wrong! All that search and nothing. All hope was lost.

And then, my girlfriend texted me saying she has found it. I swear, she needs Indiana Jones' hat for finding my treasure when I couldn't. Ironically, she found it at a gas station named "Gas." I kid you not.

And then I slowly find out other stations a little further have in great supply.

My oasis has been found, at the most unlikely of places! But you know what? That will do, especially if I can gulp down my new favorite drink again.

Do Not Feed The Players

For those who know me, I'm quite the yugioh player. So it's not uncommon for me to show up from time to time with my friends and have a few casual games at the mall nearby. Why the mall? Well, there's a store there where we can enjoy our hobby.

But there's also something funny I have been noticing...

The eyes...oh those annoying eyes!

There's a passageway nearing the exit where we play, so it has plenty of people crossing by. And those people somehow look at us as if they had never seen people play cards. They kinda look at us as if we were in a zoo, since there is somewhat of a physical separation and elevation between us. Actually, it kinda makes it look like we are on display when you cross through that passageway.

Every day, the eyes keep looking at us. And here's the thing...I would understand if the eyes kept looking at us if we were the stereotypical nerd that freaked people out and yelled "excelsior!" at the top of our lungs, but the thing is, we are quite normal people. Yet, people look at us like some kind of animal.

Heck, most of us in there (because there's always the exception to the rule, that one strange dude that makes us all look like weirdos) are actually quite normal. Some of us even date normal people, I know I am. So what to do, what to do?

So here's my solution. I want to make a sign that says, "please do not feed the duelists" since we are already becoming something to stare at. People with a sense of humor will quickly dismiss it and enjoy a good pun, while the 95% of others won't know what it means and just look at us as if we are monkeys scratching our butts.

But hey, I guess that comes with the territory.

An Accidental Digestion

Movie I made for a final class last semester. Even though it's in spanish, it's mostly about what happens when one takes an accidental laxative and his journey into that utopian bathroom.

Enjoy.

Whoa...Where Did I Go?

So I find myself realizing I had forgotten to write for quite some time. Looks like my vacation was longer than I thought...

But yes, I feel as if I must write something...but what? Am I having some writer's block again?

Damn...

Perhaps if I open a window and write about the first thing I see...let's see how it goes.

*Looks out the window for real*

I see the road. Great, I'm gonna have to get all philosophical about roads and life...too much crap for an early morning post. But I said I was going to do it, so I can't be lazy now...or can I?

No! I'm going to write about the road...some kind of road. Hmmm....

Let's see...this road takes me to either the mall next door or straight to the next town where my ex lives. Now that I think of it, it's not the best road to look at, since it's not giving me many options for topics.

But now I'm feeling philosophical, so here goes. It's been a strange road the one I have taken since my last posts. There have been friends reformed and some undone, starting the final semester of my bachelor's degree, and also starting something great in the process. Perhaps I'm just babbling about how I forgot this blog was also like a journal-esque thing, besides all the humor I do...

So where do I go from here?

Well, out the door and into the kitchen, that's for sure. I want some cereal...

Movie: "What Are You Doing Here?"

Going to start posting my films here as well, hopefully it will add to the blog.

Awkward Surprises

It was the start of June, and I was coming home from the university in New Jersey. I was looking forward to a month away from college, away from work, away from life. How good it would be to return to my home in Puerto Rico to find a good “welcome back” from my friends whom I so missed during my break. Well, after a getting that long deserved vacation, I was in for a fun day at the expense of my confusion and probably a portion of my mind. How could a birthday surprise cause confusion you ask? Well, I blame irony and all elements of ironic humor for it, so damn you and all your cursed elements of irony.

Oh yes, on with the story.

I had just met with my best friend Andres and his girlfriend Mari to celebrate his birthday. We had started early just the three of us just because we wanted something fun (not saying that my other friends are boring, but wait till the story develops, my dear impatient and oh so curious reader) and simple, so we went out to eat at Friday’s. Of course, I asked my life-long friend Michelle to join us, in which of course she tagged along. This was the first step into making my mind drive into confusion, but that detail is saved for later. This story is about the party, not the lunch I had.

I had decided the previous week to surprise my friends by telling them I was going to show up on the 6^th of June, but really arriving on the 4^th. I was somehow going to surprise them during the party and then be welcomed back by my close friends. That was my plan. Now, the plan is always essential. Yes, I may be a bad planner, but this was so simple that even the student who asks the stupid questions in class would understand, I hope. All was set; I was going to give my friends a good surprise. And yet, there was a slight change.

“What if I go with Michelle to pick up Jay (a close friend I had since elementary school we invited who also didn’t expect me there) while you guys distract the rest of the group?” I asked.

“But what about when you get to Alex’s house?” Andres added. “We are all going to meet in his house, yet he doesn’t know you are here either.”

“Easy, we will go to his house early. I believe he won’t be too surprised anyways, so the surprise element on him won’t work.”

“That could indeed work,” he said, “but Frankie, you have bad direction skills. Are you sure you won’t end up on the other side of the world if you guide everyone there?”

I let out a slight laugh. “Come on. This is Alex’s house! We all know how to get there, that’s the beauty of it. Even someone like me can get there on memory. This is something that even the student that asks…”

“We get it,” he interrupted, “student who asks stupid questions. We get it. Anyways, make sure not to get seen.”

“No problem, I got stealth skills.”

“Alright, just keep in touch in case anything happens.”

“So,” I interrupt, “will we have any code if we run into any trouble?”

“Don’t really know,” he said, looking confused.

“I got it!” I yelled in surprise and enlightenment. “If we run into any trouble, the code is ‘the blue grass rises at dawn,’ its great!”

Andres looked confused as ever, but agreed to my silly code. He knew it would catch on and that everyone liked it. You know you liked it too.

And just like that, it was off to Jay’s house to give him the first surprise. Oh yes, we paid the food at the restaurant. We didn’t just literally go without paying, that’s rude.

So off to Jay’s house we were. I had given Michelle the brilliant idea that I hide in her trunk (of the car, of course) and quietly await until it was time to jump out. I was going to surprise him, like a cougar!

I stayed as quiet as possible (hard to do, I know) and waited patiently as the car came to a halt.

“Hey,” said Jay as he approached the car.

“Hey, I left my backpack in the trunk. Could you get it out for me?” she said.

The light entered the trunk (of the car, again) and Jay appeared, waiting to go search for the item. But before he could start looking, I jumped out screaming at the top of my lungs. For once in my life, I was able to surprise someone.

Boy, did he jump. He jumped back as if he were a 5 year-old who’s still scared of clowns. It was hilarious. He looked back at me and gave me a hug, but hit me in the back as he did. Maybe it was for scaring me, or simply for fun. But I was happy, because this meant that if one friend was surprised and happy to see me, then so should the others.

And so, after a few minutes of laughter and greetings, we were on our way. We had a straight mission, get to Alex’s house before Andres and the rest of the guys did. I knew this was going to be possible, because he normally picked them all up. However, the blue grass was indeed going to rise at dawn. We had forgotten that Tito was driving that day, along with his girlfriend Ana. What did I tell you? Unexpected actions can make for one hell of a day. Anyways, moving on, things were going in a different direction.

We were just about to enter Alex’s house, when I got the call from Andres. I had gotten the signal, the code words were spoken. I knew I had little time left, but still enough to hide. However, this left a new gap in the plan. I had to reveal myself already. However, Alex wouldn’t be the kind of friend to jump in excitement to see an old friend. He still is a friend, just one of those friends you don’t see as often as the closer ones, but moving on.

After having shown Alex that I have arrived, I had a brief moment to figure out the situation. Where was I going to hide? How will everyone react when they see Michelle and Jay waiting? Why the heck was I asking myself so many questions when I knew that everyone else was just one block away? Where was I going to hide? That’s then I had a moment of clarity, the light bulb turned on.

The tree in the far back of the yard was the perfect place to hide. Of course, considering they were already entering the front door, I had to be content with hiding behind a nearby bush. That’s when I noticed all my other friends coming in. I sat in that bush waiting patiently, until I can surprise everyone. They never knew I was going to descend from a dark corner, like a bat!

As I sat there waiting, the plan for my “big” return was about to come into play. I was going to jump out from the bush and jump out to surprise them all (almost all of them). I quickly organized my thoughts before taking my big surprise into action. I was home, about to surprise the friends who constantly asked me when I was coming back. I was going to pull off the biggest surprise ever. Having told them I arrive two days after, they would never suspect me hiding behind the bushes. Nothing was going to take away my moment. This was it, and so, I jumped out from the bushes.

The shock in their eyes said it all. They all saw as I jumped out and shocked the world (or in this case, less then ten people). I could see my friends jumping from their seats and rushed over to welcome me back. Everyone came together to celebrate what became indeed a big birthday surprise. And then, we all sang happy birthday to Andres. It was indeed, a great moment.

Wrong! That’s not what happened. Shame on you for thinking it all went according to plan. Murphy’s Law is a bitch! Don’t ever forget it. When they say “what can go wrong, will go wrong” they seriously mean it. Damn you and your laws, Murphy!!!

I jumped out the bush with my rehearsed Broadway state jump, but nobody even noticed I was there. So I did what any person would do in this case, return behind the bush to do an even bigger jump (what is it with me and jumping behind bushes?). I patiently waited again as I tried to find the perfect silent moment to come out.

As I jumped out the bush yet again, I tripped on one of the roots of the plant. Therefore, I turned my graceful Broadway musical entrance into a loud yell and falling flat on my face. No worries, my friends would still be incredibly excited to see me. As I lifted my face from the ground, I saw a few of my friends were looking at what just became a half-assed entrance. “What are you doing here?” said one of my friends in a normal tone.

What the fudge just happened?

Did I just get a “what are you doing here” instead of a jumping surprise? I just wanted to answer one thing, “I’m trying to surprise you.” Why did I have to trip on that bush? Would the surprise have been better if I had not fallen on my face? Did I smell food? And why didn’t the coyote ever catch the road runner while he was sleeping? These were all questions that were bothering me at that oh so graceful moment of my return.

Nothing helped afterward. The rest of the day was odd, something wasn’t right. Murphy was really with me today, it messed everyone up it seems. Everyone was just really quiet that day. I thought they were all sleepy, or at most just tired. That is something as confusing as finding out how many licks it really takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I sat there in the pool looking up at the sky, wondering what had happened today. How did all this bad luck begin? Why Murphy? Why did things suddenly take a twist for the confusing? And why does Baskin Robins have 31 flavors when all I see are fewer flavors? Where did they all go? Does any of this make sense? I sat there pondering why all these events have unfolded, and what led me to all this. Even though I could see Ana and the others coming towards us, all that came to my mind was the start of all this. None of that mattered now. I knew the surprise I went wrong. And even though they were coming towards me for whatever reason they might have had, I just had one thing in mind. How did this all bad luck begin?

That really made me think, since when has Murphy’s Law applied to me? That is an answer that started way too far for me to remember. But I did know one thing, that wasn’t the first time Murphy’s Law messed with me, and it sure wasn’t going to be the last.

So now that I look back on it, there have been times when Murphy’s Law screwed with me. And so, I begin to wonder how it began. This takes me back so far, all the way to my days before reaching high school. This is where my memories begin, my lessons of life.

Tech Support

So yesterday I'm hanging out with my friends, when suddenly I get a call from my second ex-girlfriend. Wondering if my phone was pulling another prank on me or if she was really calling, I decided to answer the phone.

She got to the point...she needed help with a printer.

It seems that, as a geeky ex-boyfriend, I'm going to turn into tech support for my ex-girlfriends at this pace. I hope the next calls won't be for the same matter, otherwise I might have to practice my Indian accent.

Tip for geeky fellas: date chicks who can at least defend themselves with electronics, that way, you don't have to turn into Tech Support after the break-up.

Now I'm wondering which is worse...The Friend Zone or Tech Support.

A conundrum indeed...

What Are You Doing Here?

Have you ever run into someone you haven't seen in a while with a smile on your face, only to have it ruined when they say "what are you doing here?" I swear, it's the one thing that really drives me insane. I don't care who you are, that's not the way to greet someone.

What ever happened to "long time no see?"

So it got me thinking, there should be a right time when to ask the dreaded question. And here's a few things that came to mind...

Correct times to ask "What are you doing here?"

1. When someone interrupts during sex.

2. When someone you don't like crashes your party.

3. When a historical figure rises from the dead and you run into him/her on the subway.

4. When you get a truly unexpected visit.

5. When you see a colony of ants establishing base all over your yard.

I'm sure there are more, but these seem to be the most important ones.

So next time someone asks what you are doing there, either make a witty rebuttal like so...

Q: What are you doing here?

A: Waiting here for my bear cavalry so I can head to Russia for the weekend. You?

Either that, or state the obvious...

Q: What are you doing here?

A: Why, the same thing all others do when at the train station...waiting for Santa Claus!

Let's end this epidemic once and for all...

Not a Detective...

Well, that sucked. It's the second time this year where my deductive skills lead me to a false conclusion. I thought *Code Pink* was really into me, when it was really a friend of mine she was into.

It seems I'm a victim of the "Girlfriend Effect."

Curse you, Murphy! And curse your laws!

On a Roll...

So today, not only did I get more confirmations that *Codename Pink* is into me, but it seems I also managed to land an unexpected picnic date with another lady friend I ran into on the train.

I think my pheromones are finally working!

Awakening My Senses

So my wingman taught me a few useful things about the world, including some new useful insight. He basically sat me down on his sofa one day and showed me 2 pills, one blue and one red. I thought he was going to pull some Matrix philosophy on me, but it just turned out that one was his vitamin and the other one was for allergies.

Turns out, he helped me hone my observational abilities to such a degree, that I ended up teaching him a few things as well (such as the Reverse Magnetism Theory). But this week, the new senses came to a new high.

I noticed someone had her eyes on my wingman, and I managed to notice before he did. Felt like Sherlock Holmes there, minus the pipe or british accent.

But the true shocker came when I began to suspect something. Could it be that I have an admirer now? If so, then my newly aquired skills have paid off.

Until then, I will wait and see what *Code Pink* does. Depending on her actions, I will get the info I need.

The Friend Zone

If there's anything that seems more deadly than being locked in a cage with fire-breathing bears, it's being sent to the friend zone. We have all heard of it, while some of us have been sent there. Ever been just having casual conversation with a girl and suddenly you feel like a bus hit your soul? That's the friend zone acting up. Seriously, it's starting to turn into a super power of sorts.

And once you're there, you're stuck for life. There's barely anything you can do to get out. But here's a few things you can do:

1. Get comfy: The friend zone mostly lasts an entire lifetime. Once you are there, there's no way out. Get a sofa, put up a TV, maybe get a good computer and play Warcraft. It's like taking a one-way train ticket to nowhere.

2. Resistance is Futile: Do not try to persuade her into changing her mind, because it's been made up probably since your second conversation. I don't know what it is about the ladies, but they can even zone you just by looking at you. It's like walking into a bear trap, quick to strike and takes you by surprise...that is, unless you poke it with a stick and get caught out of sheer stupidity. So if someone zones you, accept your fate and move on. Besides, it's good to keep your dignity intact.

3. The Grass is Greener: Once in the friend zone, you will realize there are other prospects out there just waiting to zone your sorry ass at a later time. But once you get yourself back in the game, you will see the friend zone as a bench. Because after playing a good game, you get replaced at halftime because you just couldn't impress the coach.

4. Don't Go Insane: Simply put, just don't.

5. The Boomerang: A combination of numers 1 and 3, you will keep coming back into the friend zone so much, you might as well build a fort there.

Take it from a friend zone expert, these tips will keep you from going insane once you are zoned by someone. And that's knowing something, since I have been zoned dozens of times, that I can already see it coming.

A little knowledge goes a long way...especially if it will help you survive a horrible fate such as this.

Sarcastic Phone

So apparently my phone today decided to show me an event reminder in my calendar for tomorrow that read "1yr Anniversary."

My phone must have a sense of humor or something... because it must have not gotten the memo on the break-up. Or perhaps I just forgot it was on my phone...

This is what I get for forgetting to update my calendar, I suppose.

But hey, at least I don't have to go tomorrow. It's not like I will get in trouble if I miss that appointment now.

Lunch on Next Never

A while ago, I wanted to ask this girl I was interested in to a quick lunch. Problem is, she was always busy, so I knew I would have to get turned down...and most likely in public. But still, I had to take my shot.

Me: Hey, wanna go out for lunch sometime?

Her: Sure.

Me: So, when are you available so we can go?

Her: Ummm...Never

Me: Alright, so can I pencil you in my agenda for next never?

Her: *Laughs*

While I did get turned down, at least I managed to keep my composure and not look bad. Moral of the story is, always stay on your feet...it can often turn a bad situation around with just wit.

Surprise, Surprise!

It seems that a bunch of people today were bombarding me with the same question over and over. "What's up with you and your ex?"

Simply put, nothing is. We resolved our issues quietly and are just hanging out as friends, like most people do. But apparently it's become quite a shock to many.

Now I know what Spiderman feels when Jameson tries to get any kind of story on him, even if false.

The Reverse Magnetism Theory

You know how we try to attract as much as we can when we want to be with someone? The way we try to focus on those qualities that make that person so special, the way we try to do everything we can to make them ours, the way to try our hardest to have as much magnetism as we can.

But there's also a reverse method for this. How so? It only applies to people who don't want to search for a relationship.

I call it, "Reverse Magnetism Theory" (sorry if it's already used in science, but I checked with google and nothing came up in terms of name, so I'm good) and it's an effective way to stay single.

This happened to my wingman currently. He wanted to find a way to keep his mind off trying to get a relationship, so it was my turn to share some of my wisdom with him...and now I share it here.

Reverse Magnetism is all the opposite you do when seeking a relationship. You get to meet the person, but once you establish in your mind that you don't want a relationship with this person, find a quality that person has that you simply can't stand. And focus on it, focus with all your might. It's not a way to reject a person, because that's not what it's about. Just find something about that person that will make you realize it won't be a good relationship with that around. And once that sinks into your brain, you will no longer want something with that person. That way, you can continue about your business without having to worry about any emotions coming up because every time they might, that negative characteristic pops up and reminds you of why you don't want to date that person.

So next time you see that person nag, whine, show insanity, annoy you more than nails on a chalkboard, or just find a way to repel you faster than a nerd at a beauty pageant, keep in mind that it will keep you at ease.

Works every time!

Good Deeds and Trouble

I swear, one tries to do these good deeds and all it causes is trouble. For once, I kept a new year's resolution in wanting to fix my problems from the past before graduation. I finally fixed things with both my ex-girlfriends and contacted my former best friend about the matter. But where there's a noble deed, there's Murphy and his damed laws out there to ruin it.

I swear, Murphy's Law must have a thing against me.

Maybe it's just the universe's way of screwing with us when we behave accordingly. When people drift apart and then suddenly are brought back together for some reason, does it disturb the balance of the universe? I think that might be the case, since trouble follows with every good deed.

But hey, at least I managed to keep one of my resolutions for once.

Romeo and Juliet...and Chuck!

Chuck had just gotten word that they were supposed to have read “Romeo and Juliet” for tomorrow’s literature class. Having slacked off due to constant flirting with many girls in and out of his school, he decided to call up all of his alleged girlfriends and ask them if any one of them knew the story.

After trying for hours with dozens of girls, he had reached the end of his list, his current girlfriend, Sadie. He knew she was the studious type, so he had hoped she would at least give him a brief summary of the story.

“Listen. As much as I would love to help you right now, I have to finish with these chores, otherwise I would not even get to see you,” said Sadie. “But maybe after class I can give you some of my notes on the story. You know, Chuck, you really need to pay more attention with your homework. Why are you always so sleepy all the time and never have time to study?”
He knew the answer. He was all night going out with a girl about two years younger than him. He wasn’t about to tell her about what he does in his spare time, especially if it involves him being a womanizer who doesn’t take relationships seriously.

“Thanks,” he said, “see you tomorrow then.”

Once class started, Chuck had barely read the notes that Sadie had taken the time to write for him. He had once again, been flirting with yet another girl he has had his eyes on for years.

Once in class, the teacher’s explanation of the tragic story was bringing him intense boredom. Since he hasn’t slept at all, he tried to gaze over his notes to at least try to pretend to be listening. He instead, looked at the empty table. I wish I were out with true romance, he thought. If only I can find a girl I can truly have fun with.

And with that, he collapsed on his desk, probably of exhaustion.

When he woke up, Chuck found himself outside a castle. It was night, but it was darker than usual. No streetlights, no cars around, and not even a bicycle. He walked around quite a bit, noticing a young man walking around the castle.
“Where am I?” asked Chuck. “What kind of messed up place is this? Is this some kind of theme park or something?”
The young man looked back, confused. “Theme park? This is my castle. And I do say ask, have you seen a fine lady by the name of Juliet walking around these parts?”

Chuck turned red. The words “fine lady by the name of Juliet” made him anxious. He wanted to go get this Juliet of which this man spoke. A new conquest, he thought, how exciting. And yet, the British accent made him want to laugh. And yet, his smug attitude got the best of him.

“You sound like Harry Potter,” he said, “are you lost looking for Hogwarts or something?”

They young man once again looked quite confused.

“Who is this Potter fellow of which you speak? And this is not the castle of which you speak. If you must know, I am on my way to confess my love to Juliet, but there is a problem. I am very shy, and don’t know how to tell her how I feel,” he said.

Chuck looked at him with sympathy. I suppose I can let this one girl go, he thought, I mean…its just one!

“Don’t worry, umm…who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Romeo, Romeo Mo…”

He interrupted Romeo quickly. “Okay lover boy, if you want to get the girl, you need to get the look. How the hell do you expect to get laid if you look like this Shakespeare guy?” he said.

And yet, this idea had not crossed his mind until that very moment. He was inside the story of “Romeo and Juliet” itself. He had seen the movies. He had seen how Juliet had been portrayed. Suddenly, he felt even hungrier in his lackluster search for yet another feminine conquest. And he knew how he would help Romeo meet Juliet; he would make sure the story changes to Chuck and Juliet.

Up on the balcony, he could clearly see Juliet. She was much younger than the movies had portrayed her to be. She was in her early teens at most, like a junior high student. That is just the kind of girl that certain high school students like him, take special interest in.

Romeo already began expressing his love from the bottom of the balcony. Yet, he began to shake anxiously. Feeling nervous, he ran back into the alley, where his coach, Chuck awaited for him.
“I need some advice,” said Romeo. “I need to find some words that can express just how I feel. What if I tell Juliet that she is the sun?”

Chuck laughed out loud, “That’s a laugh! The sun, why the hell would you tell her she is the sun? Why don’t you just give her a nice compliment? Tell her she has a nice butt or something like that.”

And so, he gave Romeo some catch phrases he had learned on television. He had given him various techniques to get the girl from what he learned watching MTV, including several famous lines from Family Guy, South Park, and several other shows.
Romeo followed with the advice and gave Juliet the strangest love speech of his life. Looking confused, Juliet began to look down upon Romeo. “You are such a confusing man. Is this how you feel about me? These are all very confusing statements, not declarations of love! Get out of my sight! And do not even speak of my bottom ever again!” She then ran to her room, crying in anger.

Romeo also ran away in sheer rage. He had failed to conquer Juliet. He was doomed to be alone forever.
Seeing his plan finally come together, Chuck climbed up the balcony, entering Juliet’s room. “I am hear to helpeth…thee…my faireth…maideneth…” he said as he stuttered while pretending to be British. “I have heard the foul words this Romeo has told you, and I am here to cheer you up. Such a fine beauty should not cry. Juliet, you are like the sun, and the sun should always be shiny and bright.”

She looked at him, confused and yet comforted in a way by his warmth. “Goodness, can you be the one who has sent me this scroll of parchment with the declaration of love then?” she asked.
He turned red as he heard the word “parchment,” trying not to laugh in her face. “Yes! It was I who sent you that love letter!” he said in a cocky tone.

“Oh! I have finally found thy true love!” she said joyfully.

“Come then,” said Chuck, “let us embark on a night of nothing but full displays of passion. Let us show our love!”

Juliet kissed him, and they locked lips for what seemed to turn into hours. He was enjoying himself, he wasn’t holding back. He was inside “Romeo and Juliet,” knowing full well he wouldn’t get caught by any of the other girlfriends he had left back in school. Nobody would dare find him locking lips with Juliet inside a castle, and even less if it was inside a fictional work.
This is the best romance story ever, he thought, now I can embrace this young beauty as much as I want. He thought he was safe, not even Sadie was going to see him.

“Hey, Juliet, let me show you why love stories end with happy endings,” he said as he slowly guided her towards the bed. “You will now see why they call it happily ever after!”

And as soon as they were both in bed, the door kicked open.

“Chuck!” said a loud, angry voice.

He looked back. “Holy crap!” he yelled as his shock consumed him. “Sadie…how the hell did you get here? How? Why? No…this isn’t what it looks like. We were just…”

She now looked like she was about to explode, but before she could say anything; Romeo came rushing into the room.
He saw Chuck on top of Juliet, in what seemed in an attempt at getting to third base quite fast. Lucky for Romeo, Chuck had just crossed first base, but had not officially done anything yet. He let out a scream of rage as he punched him in the face. He then proceeded to take Juliet’s hand, looking straight into her eyes.

“Forgive me, my fair Juliet. Those words I have said, I did not mean them. They were given to me by this awful man and his strange talks of this thing called MTV and his constant rants on what he called ‘tapping thy ass.’ Forgive me Juliet, for I have been a fool to listen to such a man.”

And with that, she jumped into Romeo’s arms.

He turned towards Sadie. “I must thank you miss. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have had the courage to come and speak to my Juliet.”

Sadie walked towards Chuck, looking at him from above as he wiped the blood off his nose. “Now I know why you never learn about these stories, you are always out conquering different girls every night! You told me you wanted to read it so we could be more romantic. And here you thought it was a romance novel. Well, here’s one thing you didn’t know about this story. It’s a tragedy!”

Search for a Wingman

In all my time being single, I have often found myself never having a steady wingman. But in the process of one month, I have finally found my wingman. But to get to this wingman, I had to go through a few others along the way.

Wingman #1: My Best Friend

A Scarecrow having a Bug-Zapper for a wingman...bad idea. Every time we both went out, it was always him getting the attention. Never bring Zappers as wingmen, they will steal your prey.

Wingman #2: Best Female Friend

This one was just too complicated as well. She did help me scout for ones I could go out with, but somehow adding emotions for one another didn't help in the process. So I had to take some distance there also...

And then I finally found my current wingman. He taught me more in one week than anybody else taught me in months. Not just that, his methods worked out quite well. Not just that, but I think I'm becoming his wingman as well.

Looks like the universe has found balance once again.

Staying Friends? Part 2

On the night before Valentines, I presumed it was impossible to be friends with an ex.

By today, I find myself being friends with both ex-girlfriends.

Funny how things can turn around.

Sleepy Week...

For some reason, I'm having trouble staying awake this week. I'm always tired. I often wonder if the Energizer Bunny I had in high school went on vacation and didn't tell me. Either that, or by now, college has left it so exhausted that it has the battery life of a Game Gear.

That's it!

For some reason, my body feels like it's a Game Gear. It starts out all full of energy, but by a few hours you are going to wish you had rechargeable ones because it consumed all in one swoop.

And it's all because I barely slept on Valentines Day.

Damn